They seem like an innocent question: “How many children do you have?” Or “Is she your first?”
After September 2014, the answers to these questions weren’t as straightforward as you might think. You see, my firstborn, my three-year-old, passed away. To cope, I dove into my relationship with my 16-month-old daughter. I tried to do as much with her as I could, things that I wasn’t necessarily able to do with her brother. So the questions arose as we explored Fairfield County, Las Vegas, and Puerto Rico in those first months after his passing.
At first, I was hesitant to disclose his death to the innocent strangers who asked, but it didn’t feel right not to mention him. He will always be my son, and he was the center of my world. How could I not acknowledge him?
So I resolved that no matter who asks, I will always say I have two children (and now, after the birth of my twins – 4) and mention him. I know it makes people uncomfortable or sad when I say that he has passed, and I apologize, as I know it’s unexpected. Sometimes I say his name and how old he was, sometimes I say he would have been five, and other times I tell a brief story of what happened to him to cause such an early passing.
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You are an awesome Mom. All of us are blessed to have you in our lives! Your Four children are beautiful in every way. God bless you, cousin!
Great post
I lost one of my four in September 2014 when he was 30. When asked about my kids I usually avoid telling this if possible because it ruins the conversation right there. Sometimes I get away with bragging on his accomplishments without getting the question “where is he now?” That makes me happy.
A beautifully written blog article , Caroline. As your mother, I am proud of you and how you have been able to answer the innocent questions.
Caroline, my heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing this, no doubt difficult to write, piece.