Learning That Selfish is NOT a Bad Word


Thoughts that pop into my brain more times per week than I can count….”Ugh, I feel guilty.” “Am I being selfish?” “Shouldn’t I be doing XYZ?”

I’m sure many moms can relate to this overarching sense of guilt that seeps into our lives. But this post is not about that guilt….it’s about the conscious decision I’m making to push those thoughts away!

From a young age, we are taught that being selfish is a bad thing. Since becoming a working mom, that sentiment has only been magnified. If I’m not doing something to serve my family or pay the bills, I’m selfish, and selfish is wrong!

Guilt comes in many forms. For instance, when I miss bedtime to attend a blog event or sneak away to get my nails done on a day that I’m working from home. Since becoming a mom, any time I take for myself gives me pause. This wasn’t the case, pre-kids! A mani-pedi followed by a mall trip was a normal Saturday. So why, as moms, do we beat ourselves up for taking care of ourselves?

And then there’s the recent life choice my husband and I made not to have a third child. This choice feels selfish to me, even though I know it shouldn’t. Could we give another child a lovely, fulfilled life? Would my twins LOVE a baby sibling? Sure! But at what cost to us? My desire to get out more, start traveling again, and gain more independence outweighs anything I have left to give a third baby!

Now that my twins are four and running circles around us, I need time away more than ever! I find myself ready most Monday mornings to enjoy some quiet time at my desk.

Is it selfish to want some space from your own kids? It may be, but it’s also reality. Parenting is HARDand any mom who says they don’t occasionally want to hit the pause button is lying.

So let me give you the same reprieve that I’m trying to give myself….. Go ahead and take a time out! Make choices for yourself and throw away the guilt! Your kids are going to love you whether you sneak out for that manicure or not. Go ahead and take a day off during your busy season. Say no to helping your friend move. Dare I say it!? Put yourself first! Do what feels right, and remember that we’re all just doing the best we can!

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Kate is a working mom who is constantly trying to balance the chaos of a full-time advertising career with caring for her twins. She is a New York transplant who’s fallen in love with the CT shoreline she now calls home. Kate lives by the beach in Fairfield with her husband and boy/girl twins. When not working or chasing her kids you can find Kate sweating it out at a Bar Method Class or watching reality TV with wine in hand! Having it all may be a myth but Kate is trying her damnedest to live a balanced life. She hopes you can relate as you follow along on her crazy journey through motherhood!


  1. WTAF? Selfishness IS terrible and people in Fairfield County could stand a lesson in this more than just about any other people in the world.

    The examples you spoke about don’t seem selfish at all, but the selfishness I see 100 times a day living in Fairfield County makes me want to give up on humanity.

    Stephen Hawking predicted selfishness and stupidity would wipe out the human race. I think it might be starting right here.


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