I am no expert on parenting; I am feeling this whole process out as I go. Regardless, I have two pieces of advice that I offer to every expecting mom out there:
1. Trust your instincts, as they will guide you through this crazy journey of parenting; and
2. Let go of your due date!
Seriously, far too much weight is placed on the due date. It becomes this magical date in the future upon which you will be meeting your treasure. And, for the next nine months, you will count down the days to your expected most magnificent day ever. It is circled, highlighted, and flagged in any way that keeps track of dates.
In a rather sad reality, it is estimated that only 5% of babies arrive on their due date. How is that possible?! Why do doctors and nurses allow us over-emotional mothers-to-be to live in this dream world?!
Clearly, I am harboring bad feelings about due dates. I am six years into my parenting journey, and I still recognize May 5 as the “due date that never happened.” I was completely astonished when he did not arrive.
The doctors had all but promised me that he would be here on May 5, and I had no doubt that he would be in my arms! He showed up on May 12. The dates of February 24 (arrival: March 5) and January 20 (arrival: January 29) also bring about resentment in my head. On the other hand, I have a good friend who delivered all three of her babies before her due date. You just don’t know where you are going to fall on the spectrum.
The real situation should be that an expecting mom has a “due month.” In other words, take your arbitrarily prescribed due date (okay, I know that fertility science backs it, but it still seems arbitrary) and expand it by 2-3 weeks in either direction. If you haven’t yet felt like a ticking time bomb, get ready for that! You could literally blow at any second! Because pregnancy needs more ambiguity around it.
Plus, once you are a woman “past her due date,” you can saddle up for some great advice from everyone that you come into contact with. Please, in the name of all the Gods in the world, don’t EVER tell an expecting mother what worked for you. If she asks, however, please share the wisdom of your special blend, which is a Lionel Richie CD and Chinese food. Trust me, her doctor has already advised on the possibilities for evacuating her bouncy occupant, and she has Googled it extensively. The bottom line is that the baby will come out, and it really doesn’t matter when.
So please, knock-up mamas, let go of your due date. In the name of your mental well-being, the healthiest thing for you is to truly understand that your baby can show up any time before and any time after the date that you have poured your heart into.
And for all you onlookers, please help to ease a poor pregnant woman’s anxiety, and stop asking expecting moms about the due date. Ask her how far along she is. Ask her how she’s feeling. Heck, ask her if you can rub her back for a few minutes. And don’t forget to tell her that she looks amazing. She knows that you are lying through your teeth, but trust me, she needs to hear it more than anything else.
Hi,
Regarding “In quite sad reality, it is estimated that only 5% of babies arrive on their due date” —
I’ve had 3 babies not arrive on their due dates or ever because of pregnancy loss at all stages.
I understand the topic of this article but a good amount of babies never arrive on their due date or before or after – the verbiage “in quite sad reality” should be reserved for that, not because a baby is + or – their EDD by a week, etc. How is that quite sad? Surely many other readers read this thinking they’d give anything to have a baby born near their due date.
This is some perspective to the language chosen.
Hello A. Lynn, Thank you for your comment. In writing this little piece, I tried to be very mindful of how it could be construed by those who had experienced prenatal loss. I see, however, where my choice of language was offensive in this sentence. I am glad that you could understand the intention of the piece was to be light-hearted about how the due date is treated by our medical community. I’m sorry that you took offense.