When my daughter turned one, I put a request on the birthday invitations for no gifts. Despite the request, everyone brought a gift. To be clear, I’m not complaining. I’m very grateful to know so many people willing to spend their hard-earned money on my child, but the request had been made for a reason. We don’t have the space. We were swimming in toys, and my daughter didn’t need more.
I have had people tell me they ignore these requests because they like buying gifts for people. This is a very honorable way to feel, but I strongly feel that it is a very wrong way to approach a party—especially one for a child.
An invitation to a party means you and your child are being asked to celebrate someone else. It has nothing to do with how you feel or what you want. The party is not about you, but rather that another person feels you’re important enough to be asked to celebrate with them. That should mean enough.
Generosity is wonderful, but not at the expense of someone else’s frustration – even in a good-natured environment such as a child’s birthday party.
Requests for no gifts can mean many things. It could be there is just no room for things like toys. It could be that a parent is teaching their child about materialism and doesn’t want them showered with gifts. I know many parents with very young children who don’t think a child so young needs much of anything. Quite frankly, the reason why is irrelevant if it’s been asked of you, and it’s not an invitation for you to ignore and do what you want anyway.
Many parents want to follow the requests but don’t want to be singled out as the only ones who have brought nothing to the party. Nothing feels worse than watching a child open presents, knowing there is nothing in that pile from you and your child. I know this was the case for my daughter’s party, and it made me feel awful that people felt obligated to buy her a gift. Stop this cycle now! No one wants a guilt gift.
Instead of glossing over a no-gift request, please consider doing a few things instead.
- Ask the parent if there is anything else you could do instead—for example, bring something for the party or run an errand or two.
- If you have to buy something, ask the parent for something specific and give it to the child on your own time.
- Consider donating the amount you would have spent to a charity or even buying a toy and donating it outright.
Check out sokindregistry.org. You can register for non-gifts and experiences. This is a registry I set up for my son’s first birthday. I think it’s a brilliant idea!! http://www.sokindregistry.org/registry/3052
Thank you for articulating your thoughts / feelings on this subject. I could not agree more!
Thank you Jane.
Wow, could not agree more! I’ve left parties feeling awful for not bringing anything, and have been “annoyed” that people didn’t listen to my request as well! For my son’s 2nd birthday, I hosted a brunch at my house for all my girlfriends and their kids (something I do monthly as we are in the thick of the toddler years right now). I threw some balloons and a banner up for my son’s birthday, bought some cupcakes, and had an activity for the kids to do. It was a surprise party for all my guests, resulting in no awkward feelings, no thank you cards (I was heavily pregnant with our second and didn’t want that extra responsibility), and have photo proof we celebrated!
I understand where people are coming from, but what is more important? buying something that makes you feel better or not buying something because that is what is asked of you and makes THAT person happy?
I cannot agree more! We recently went to a party where the parents asked for donations to a charity in lieu of gifts, which I thought was a great idea! Getting my family on board is another story!