I’ve caught myself saying some of the most absurd things since having a child, and I know I’m not alone. I doubt there is a person reading this who hasn’t thought about the words and phrases that have come out of their mouth and done a double take. In the spirit of good fun, here are a few phrases that my friends and I have uttered – apparently, bodily functions are of utmost concern!
- “Please get the [drinking] straw out of your nose.” – Allison H.-R.
- “Did you just pee on me?” – Alicia D.
- “We don’t eat food from the dog’s bowl.” – Sinéad D.
- “Cookie Monster does not have to go pee now.” – Keira R.
- “Don’t put your toothbrush in the toilet.” – Brittany B.-P.
- “And this is why we can’t have nice things!” – Jessica S.
- “You can’t leave the house without wearing pants.” – Michelle S.
- “Stop riding the dog.” (The dog only weighs 11 pounds) – Allison H.-R.
- “Put your dish down and your pants on.” – Erin M.
- “Don’t lick the battery.” – Monique M.
- “The toilet brush is not a toy.” – Sinéad D.
- “Potties are not for playing!” – Brittany B.-P.
- “I’m sorry, but I can’t use the bathroom and make lunch for you at the same time. You’re going to have to wait.” – Lisa V.
- “Your sister’s underwear does not belong on your head.” – Sinéad D.
- “Do not pee on the dog.” – Kerry P.-P.
- “Don’t pick your nose, and definitely don’t eat it. That’s disgusting.” – Melissa B.
- “Poop belongs in your diaper.” – Allison H.-R.
- “Get your hand out of your diaper!” – Alicia D.
- “Put the stink bug down. He doesn’t want to play no matter how much you like him.” – Allison H.-R.
- “I can’t believe you just ate that.” – Monique M.
- “Did you just pee on the floor?” – Laura K.
- “No, we can’t have a unicorn as a pet.” – Jen Z.
- “We don’t put Vaseline on the dog.” – Jessica S.
- “Please don’t sit on the dog’s head.” (That happens often) – Brittany B-P.
- “Why did you shove the Lego up your nose?” – Monique M.