I wish that I wasn’t writing this post. Luckily, in my case, my child is fine. She is safely sleeping in her crib. She is alive.
But she could not be, and I cannot get the image of her in the water out of my mind. She was right next to me and then she wasn’t.
She was over the edge of the dock in one second, out of my reach. Thinking of it now, I feel so stupid. I’m a seasoned(ish) mom. My children are 9, 7, and 19 months. Why were my hands not on the baby? She was toddling up and down the dock, waving at people at the end, and then up and down again. She didn’t want me to hold her hand or her arm. She started to tantrum when I did. So I didn’t. I was right with her.
But she was far enough out of reach that I couldn’t grasp her. She slipped into the water, and I jumped in, right there, right next to her.
I was also aware of a woman on the dock with us whom I think had jumped in right before us. She was there as I came up from going under water frantically looking for her. She had sunk down. I was confused by that.
The woman said, “Has she come up yet?” The “yet” was a word that hit me. She was so confident. And right at that moment, she did float up, and I grabbed her and lifted her up.
I couldn’t touch the ground, so I bobbed under as I held her up and someone grabbed her from the dock. I think it was my husband. I saw her and heard her crying. She didn’t even cough or sputter, but I was still screaming.
I couldn’t stop screaming and crying. She was out of the water, but I couldn’t stop screaming, and I couldn’t remember how to swim.
I now recognize that I had a panic attack. I’m a psychotherapist, and I’m trained to identify them in others. I’ve only ever experienced them postpartum before and certainly not in the water. In the water, my mind froze.
I’ve never experienced fear like that. Even once she was safe, I couldn’t calm myself.
The woman in the water identified herself: “I’m a lifeguard. I’ve got you. She’s ok. You did it. You got her.” She pushed my head back on her shoulder, and I started to breathe. The lake lifeguard was there too, telling me that she was ok and that I just needed to relax and breathe and swim. I slowly made my way out of the water and calmed down.
I’m not certain that the woman in the water wasn’t touched by mystical forces. She was exactly where I needed her to be. I will never forget her calm and kindness. Thank you Candice from Tennessee, you are wonderful!
The CDC states: In 2014, among children 1 to 4 years old who died from an unintentional injury, one-third died from drowning. Among children ages 1 to 4, most drownings occur in home swimming pools.
Drowning is responsible for more deaths among children 1-4 than any other cause except congenital anomalies (birth defects).
My two older children used puddle jumper floatation devices until we taught them to swim, or they had lessons starting around age 3 or 4 or so. We are water people and love spending hours at the beach, pool, or lake. After today, I’m determined to have my youngest take survival swimming classes.
