Becoming Mommy: Transitioning Out of the Workforce

Becoming a stay-at-home mom is fairly easy if you’re speaking only about the resignation of one’s job. Becoming “mommy” is a whole different story. Upon discovering the wonderful news that I was pregnant, I immediately focused on my upcoming childcare needs.

Would I want a nanny or need a daycare facility? I never considered the possibility of staying home. However, when that became an opportunity for me, I jumped at the chance.

I would have the privilege of raising my daughter without the stress of daycare. I knew in my heart that this would be a wonderful chance for me to spend time with my daughter. I didn’t realize just how difficult it would be for me to let go of the career, albeit temporarily, that I had worked so hard to build.

As a teacher, our year typically begins at the first sign of August. Most teachers envision classrooms with freshly sharpened pencils, a list of classroom rules, and high hopes and expectations for the bright start of a new year. August came and went without the usual fanfare, and I faced the first day of school.

There were no lesson plans to prepare, no supplies to purchase, and no new Sharpies to break in. As I watched my colleagues return to work with excitement and anticipation, I found myself a little sad. The first day of school was an important event in every year of my life. I tried to comfort myself with old memories of grading papers on beautiful sunny weekends when everyone else was outside or when I had left school with the weight of the world on my shoulders because of a student’s poor performance, but nothing seemed to help.

To make matters worse, I had lost the daily camaraderie of having a job. While most workers out there have a moment to joke about how miserable their day was, I had no such thing. 

My beautiful baby stared at me wide-eyed and precious but couldn’t understand a word I was saying. An afternoon chat with colleagues was not an option, as most were busy typing lessons, teaching classes, having lunch with colleagues, or sitting in meetings. When most were ready and willing to chat, my day was already done.

There was nobody to affirm all I had done each day. There wasn’t a soul in sight to help determine whether or not I had done a good job. 

Even a boss who consistently challenges your decisions provides some marker for your performance. At home, there was no such thing. I found myself constantly questioning myself. Was I making good choices for my daughter? Had I given her enough “free” time and enough structured time? Am I becoming a crazy helicopter parent? Was I giving her just the right amount of stimulation? There was no way of gauging.

The work I was doing daily seemed so trivial to me. I washed, rinsed, and dried countless bottles. I washed, dried, and folded piles of clothing. I cooked and baked until the fridge and freezer were packed to the gills. I wondered if I wasn’t cut out for the life of a mom. It wasn’t at all as I imagined it.

My transition didn’t come easily and it didn’t come overnight. I began to see the progress in my daughter’s small triumphs.

All those hours I spent showing her how to stack a block finally paid off, and I beamed with pride. I began to get into a routine of cleaning and cooking. I was proud of my freshly washed floors (okay, those didn’t last very long). I began to seek affirmation from myself instead of from the outside.

There were days when I felt like a failure and days when I felt like supermom, but I realized that I was giving this new “job” everything I had, and that was all that mattered. 

I can’t say that I don’t reminisce about the chatter in the faculty room or the one-hour commute in the car by myself, but those things aren’t part of my life right now. Instead, there are baking projects on snowy days and silly faces at lunchtime, which suits me just fine.

Whether you are a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, how did you transition into the role of mommy?