Getting Friendship to Stick


friendship to stickI’ve now realized in my 30’s that I am a “starter friend.” I haven’t found a close friendship to stick.

I love to meet new people, get to know them, give recommendations when needed, and introduce them to other friends.

But not much has changed since my school years. 

Everything starts out nicely, and then slowly, I’ll be excluded from get-togethers and playdates. Girls’ nights out are rare, but I always enjoy them when I’m invited. I watch these friends get to know other friends and form stronger relationships.  

Typically, if I arrange something, it usually falls apart, or there is no response. If I host something, I’m actually shocked if people show up, as I’m so used to being let down. It has started to make me more of a cynic over the past few years, rather than the positive person I used to be.

I’m also terrified of inviting myself anywhere because of the childhood trauma of being completely embarrassed in second grade (yes, I remember this). So, I typically won’t say anything and stay behind. 

It’s hard because I feel like my whole life I’ve been seeking true friendship and the perfect person that will stick. But maybe it’s not going to happen, and I need to let go of it. 

Though I have friends in my life from childhood, high school, and college, I’m definitely not anyone’s strongest friendship. I don’t know why that happens or what I do or don’t do. I do try to keep chains of communication open and remember important things, but I also don’t want to seem overbearing, so I hold back sometimes too.

During this uncertain time, I’ve had three people regularly checking in with me. I appreciate them more than they’ll probably ever know. I know this is a hard time for everyone, and balancing it all is tricky, but taking the time to think of me and checking-in helps a lot. 

I know I’m not their most important person, but at least I’m important enough for them to stick.


  1. This has happened to me most of my life as well, so I can completely sympathize with you. It’s hard because you don’t understand why this happens, otherwise you would change or fix it. Or at least that is how I feel anyway. Thankfully I have my sister. She’s always there.

  2. I love your article. I can relate! It is hard finding good, true friends. But I tell myself, I only need a few that I can rely on. Thank you for sharing! Love the article and maybe it can bring new friends together:)

  3. I’ll be your friend! A friendship should be easy and feel good. This is what I teach my kids and I stand by it. You should never feel betrayed or left out. A true friend wouldn’t do that. I realize I have a few very close friends and these are my people. It isn’t about quantity, it’s about quality. I would love to connect via zoom, and in real life! So sorry you had these experiences!

  4. My heart goes out to you! I’ve definitely been there myself for most of my life and it’s isolating. What finally worked for me was a church community group where I met genuine, like-minded people. I now have a couple of really close friends that I can count on. I know it is hard! Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in posting this!!


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here