I cried when I found out my husband’s job was relocating us to Connecticut. That was almost six years ago.
Fast forward to today, where I’m always meeting new families. Some are clients; others have kids in the same school, and others I meet on the sidelines of my kids’ sports. Early in the introductory small talk phase of meeting someone new are these questions:
“How long have you been living in the area?” and “Where’d you move here from?”
I live in Ridgefield, CT, and many people I meet didn’t grow up here. 8/10 times they answer the second question with “the City” and sometimes “Westchester.”
And then they ask me.
“Arizona,” I answer, waiting for the look of surprise. It’s always there.
And then I go on to explain, “Yeah, I grew up in Michigan, moved around the Midwest, lived in the UK, and then moved to Phoenix for a couple of years before coming to CT.”
Early in our marriage, we moved approximately every two years. For my husband’s grad school, for jobs, for an ex-pat opportunity overseas, and then home again. We traveled, explored, and met people from around the world and now send holiday cards to groups of friends from various life stages and home bases.
By the time we moved to Connecticut, we’d also grown our family to include three kids. Our oldest was born in Ohio, our middle child was born in London, England, and we adopted our youngest in Arizona. After a decade of moving, I was ready to stop. I just never imagined it would be on the East Coast.
When I thought about a move to Connecticut, my mind was filled with the worst stereotypes of East Coast living; snobby people, high prices, and aggressive drivers. I wondered if I’d meet other at-home moms who had decided to put their careers on hold to raise kids and follow their partners’ career moves around the country/world.
As someone who often favors baseball caps and sweatshirts for a day-to-day outfit, I worried about fitting in among women who I was sure would be more fashionable than me. I wondered how my kids would do with a cross-country move, needing to make all new friends. I also knew that the small details of life would fall to me to figure out; pediatricians, babysitters, plumbers, swim instructors, etc. I knew from previous moves that settling into a network takes a lot of time, and getting everything and everyone in place isn’t easy.
Therefore, with a level of trepidation, we sold our newer, nicer four-bedroom house (with a pool and a pretty view of the desert mountains in our backyard) for a tiny, needs-a-lot-of-work house from the 1920s on a busy road. And we got on a plane headed East.
Wouldn’t you know it, but six years have passed in a flash. Our girls started kindergarten and first grade in Connecticut and are about to finish 5th and 6th grades. Our son wasn’t even in school yet, but now he’s an eight-year-old, happy in school and even happier on a soccer field.
It’s the longest I’ve lived anywhere as an adult. My early misgivings have been proven mostly wrong.
By and large, people here have been friendly and welcoming. Now that I’ve returned to work (I started a photography business in 2018), I have gotten to know families beyond my immediate neighborhood/school/church circle and, almost without exception, have found them lovely.
My kids entered the local public school and made fast friends with their peers. They’re involved with sports, music, drama, and other extracurriculars that have been excellent opportunities for building self-esteem and relationships. Over time, I’ve built my own social network, complete with other parents I can call immediately if our family needs help.
This past fall, my mother-in-law passed away, and I needed to call in others to care for our three kids while my husband and I were out of state to plan and attend the funeral. Our community here supported us so well and stepped in to host our kids without hesitation. I’ve also built professional relationships with other business owners in a local mastermind group.
The cost of living is undoubtedly higher than in other places we’ve lived, but we’ve more or less gotten used to it. The second household income has been helpful and necessary in ways it wouldn’t have been back in AZ. We were able to renovate and then sell our tiny house and then buy another home that worked better for our family and my work. And the drivers? If we take the kids into NYC for a day trip, we may encounter rudeness on the road, but we don’t experience it much where we live.
There are so many positives that we’ve discovered as well.
We’re a family that likes to travel, both in the US and outside, and we’ve found that New England provides many options that are very convenient for a day trip or weekend getaway. After a couple of hours in the car, we can be in the mountains, at the beach, or exploring one of many interesting and historic cities.
We’ve visited vineyards on Long Island, Gilded Age mansions in Newport, Acadia National Park in Maine, and FDR’s home in Hyde Park, NY. We’ve loaded our bike rack and spent a weekend in Boston, enjoying the flat bicycle paths along the river. People travel from all over the world to see Broadway performances, but for us, it’s an hour in the car or on a train.
We’ve taught our kids to ski over the past couple of years and are thankful to have some fantastic slopes just a few hours away from our house. We also have taken advantage of our proximity to Canada, enjoying visits to Montreal and Quebec City. Regarding international travel, we’ve found that flying out of major East Coast airports generally means lower prices and better availability of flights to Europe. For my adventure-loving family, these perks are huge.
Having all this at our fingertips is a privilege, and we don’t take it for granted.
Our area is imperfect. I wish my neighborhood had sidewalks, for starters! Windy, hilly roads have made for treacherous driving when winter storms hit. I miss living near my family, and we have to make an effort to drive or fly long distances to see them. But six years in, we’re content with our friends and community, happy in our jobs, and our kids are flourishing in their schools and activities. I can’t imagine moving away.
