I remember when my students asked me, “Are you EVER going to have a kid? No offense, but aren’t you like 30?” I was, in fact, 32. I remember when, at 39, I announced my pregnancy and got some interesting responses. Aside from looks of confusion, many asked me the “How old are you?” question to remind me that I was no longer 25. Even one woman assured me I was “brave” to raise a child in my old age.
Even though most of my friends had children in their mid to late thirties, I was still attacked with a barrage of commentary about why I had chosen some fate worse than death. I’m happy to say that I lived to tell the tale. (I haven’t attempted potty training, so stay tuned). I’m also happy to report that there are some awesome things about being an “older” mom.
Been There, Done That
Danced at a club until 4 a.m.? Yup. Traveled to lots of places? Sure did. Had my own apartment? Absolutely. Wasted lots of money going out to fancy dinners and buying stuff I didn’t need? I have copies of the credit card bills to prove it. Married the wrong guy and escaped unscathed? That, too.
While I certainly still have a running “bucket list,” I’ve found that a good percentage of the things I wanted to do on my own, I experienced in my 20s and early 30s. I don’t have any regrets about places I should have gone or things I should have done. The things I want to do now are ones that I want to experience with my child. Things like going to Disney or Sesame Place, taking pictures with Santa and the Easter Bunny, and experiencing my childhood all over again are now on my “to-do” list, which suits me just fine!
Financial Stability
If you were lucky enough to graduate from college without any debt, power to you. Unfortunately, like most friends and colleagues, I had some debt due to student loans. Most of my 20s were spent paying back student loans and trying to secure a job in my chosen career. At 28, I had a career change and had to return to school to pursue another degree. Lots of money was wasted on going out, renting an apartment in a “fun” neighborhood, and buying clothes to go out every weekend.
Being in your 40s means you probably have a nice chunk of change in your retirement account, a fairly stable residence, and cars you aren’t ashamed to drive. Let’s not revisit my 1979 Pea Green Chevy Malibu, please! Having a little more financial cushion is helpful when raising a child since having a child puts a small dent in your surplus cash flow. I don’t think that I would have felt comfortable enough to be a stay-at-home mom without the perks of being a little more financially stable.
Career Stability
While I have to admit, nobody these days is safe from layoffs or firings, having been in the industry for over ten years, I’ve made a few connections. People know my work ethic by now, and because of that, I felt a tiny bit safer taking some time off to take care of my daughter.
Since I was a career changer, leaving a new job for only two years or so would have made it difficult for me to return after a long gap. It definitely wouldn’t have been impossible, but without five or more years of experience in any job, going back would be like starting all over again. I wouldn’t have felt as comfortable taking a whole year off without establishing a strong presence when I was just starting. For me, waiting a bit worked out better.
Sure, there are many reasons why having a baby as an older mom is tougher. I’m probably more tired than moms in their 20s. My body certainly didn’t bounce back as quickly as it might have if I had given birth when I was a bit younger, but I’m okay with that. I know that waiting even longer for my beautiful baby girl has allowed me to spend lots of time with her and appreciate her all the more.
