It’s a weird time of life, where suddenly, my social media feed has changed from engagement, wedding, and baby pictures to the news of someone’s older family member passing away. Where conversations with friends turn to worry about how their parents are coping with a new health diagnosis. Whenever my mom texts me to call her, I worry about the news she will share. Morbid, right?
My father just turned 80, or as he’d say, 29+51. With this huge milestone, I’m reminded of my parents’ ages. I don’t see them every day since we live 1300 miles apart, but I notice a few changes each time I do. I notice that they’ve slowed down a bit and the undeniable fact that they’re getting older. I’m sure they see the sprinkling of gray in my hair, too!
Over the past few years, my parents have lost most of their best friends, and as a family, we’ve lost many loved ones. It’s tough.
Just like many parts of life, this is a stage almost everyone goes through. You’re celebrating the growth and maturity of your own kids, the freedom that comes with being established in your career, while worrying about the ailments of the generation that raised you – of your aging family members.
Some call this the “sandwich years,” but for me, it’s a feeling of anticipated grief.
I feel it so acutely that it hurts and can be overwhelming at times. I don’t want to wallow in this feeling. I want to understand it and lessen the pain. In my quest to do so, I’ve found a few helpful tips.
1. Talk about how you’re feeling.
Lean on your partner, friends, or siblings and share your worries. It’s surprising how many others feel the same way or have dealt with loss and can offer comfort, support, or validation. Sometimes, voicing the concern can help lessen the burden.
2. Writing can be extremely helpful in dealing with your feelings.
When it’s just you and a blank page, it’s easy to be honest about your feelings and get it all out. This also allows for future reflection, which may change how you feel.
3. Stay in touch as often as possible.
If you can’t be with your loved one physically, make sure to stay in touch with them from afar. Having regular phone calls, text messages, or FaceTimes can help you feel more connected to their life and lessen the miles between you.
4. Spend time together.
It’s never too late to make new memories and just be together. This is a top priority!
