Boys Will Be Boys and Other Opinions You Should Keep to Yourself


A pregnant mom with her son kissing her belly.I knew almost instantly when I became pregnant for the second time. Call it mother’s intuition, but I swear I knew. I also knew instantly I was going to have another little boy.

Again, maybe it was just intuition, but when my doctor confirmed that baby number two was a boy, I began to picture “my boys.” I imagined a set of brothers laughing, playing, and wrestling. Best buds.

We’ve been talking about “baby brother” with my two-year-old, Dean, and he has even given the baby a name {although I’m not 100% sold on that particular name yet}. Whatever we do end up naming him, he will be a part of the family and a welcomed addition to our lives.

As I’ve begun to share my happy news, I’ve run into this uncomfortable situation. Here’s how this conversation usually goes…

Me: “I’m pregnant!”

Well-Meaning Person: “Oh, congratulations! How exciting! When are you due? What are you having?”

Me: “I’m having another little boy!”

Well-Meaning Person: “Awww, I wish you were having a girl. Oh, I wanted you to have a girl. Well, I guess you’ll just have to try again”.

Wait…what?! You’re saddened and disappointed by this news? You’re upset that I’m having a healthy child? You’re sad that my family is growing? You think my life won’t be complete if I don’t have a daughter?

I am honestly taken aback by this new reaction of gender disappointment. Don’t get me wrong, I know those who share their wish for me to have a daughter have good intentions and do not wish anything sad or negative upon me, but I am tired of being put in this situation.

I sometimes feel defensive about this new little guy. He is very much wanted and will be loved to pieces. The “you’ll have to try again” is even more hurtful for me. It’s such a weird thought when people talk about me having a third child when the second is yet to be born. I shouldn’t feel hesitant to share news of my children.

I know I’m only two years into this big wide world of parenting, but there is nothing easy about it, no matter what the gender of your children. There’s the constant worrying, decision-making, second-guessing those decisions, and so on.

One easy thing is sharing unconditional love with my child. If I am lucky enough to have a daughter someday, I will treasure my relationship with her, no more and no less than I treasure my relationship with my son and will treasure the relationship with my soon-to-be-born son.

So, next time someone shares their happy news with you, share in their happiness, and please do your best to keep your opinions – however well-meaning they are – to yourself.

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Meet Amy, our founder, and co-owner of Fairfield County Moms Blog and co-owner of Westchester County Moms Blog. In addition to Fairfield County and Westchester County Moms Blog, Amy teaches 7th and 8th Social Studies grade at a local middle school. She married her husband Brien in June of 2009 and is mommy to 3 boys - Dean {May 2012}, Tyler {October 2014}, and Finn {February 2018}. The family lives cozily in their Westport, CT home with two small dogs and one large cat. Besides spending time at home with her family and spending her school days with teens, Amy loves to daydream about traveling across the globe, she’ll read pretty much anything that comes recommended, and is probably the world’s messiest cook. Connect with Amy on Instagram {@amyjones112}.


  1. Congratulations on expanding your family! How very exciting. I’m happy to hear your pregnancy is going well and baby boy #2 is healthy. I can’t wait to see pics of the boys seeing each other for the first time.

    I don’t understand why it’s so hard for people to get the idea that you should just be happy for someone. Why is there always an opinion that goes with it? As a “one-and-done”, I’ve heard some real doozies over the years. The idea that you should continue having children until you have the gender perfect strangers *think* you need to have in order to make your life *complete* seems ludicrous to me.

    Enjoy this pregnancy. Enjoys your boys together come October. I wish you nothing but the best.

  2. Congratulations on your great news! I’m delighted at your use of the word “gender” instead of “sex” regarding your baby. It’s a silly little semantics thing, but it makes me crazy. In addition to the #1 reason for being thrilled about having another boy (brothers… best buds), you can add to the list that your new baby will have a wonderful supply of hand-me downs. Best wishes for a comfortable pregnancy.

  3. I’m so happy for you Amy and I LOVE Alicia’s comment… “I don’t understand why it’s so hard for people to get the idea that you should just be happy for someone. Why is there always an opinion that goes with it?”

    • Thanks Elysa, it’s funny because I don’t think twice when people share things like this with me. I just try to share in their happiness.

  4. I have b/g twins and because there is “one of each” I often hear commentary from people that my hubby and I must think that our family is “complete” or “perfect”. Meanwhile we haven’t quite decided if we are “done” or will try to add to our family.

    All of this said, can I feel free to admit that during my pregnancy I was nervous that there might be two boys growing in my womb? I never grew up around boys, I didn’t socialize with boys growing up and I went to a women’s college. I thought I would be ill-suited to parenting a boy, let alone two. I certainly don’t feel this way now but perhaps it is too much to expect people to completely divorce themselves from opinions and pre-conceived (yes, I know that there is a pun in here) notions. I had my own before I became a mom and I’m sure I’ve made some commentary to people over the years that reflected those notions. There, I’ve come clean.

    • Thanks for your thoughts Christine. I’ve also reflected on it enough to also think that because I coach girls (and have for many years) people may think that I would be a great mother to a daughter because I’ve worked with girls of all ages (from first grade through high school). Maybe that’s just how they picture me 🙂

  5. Amazing Amy,
    You are so right! So many people (including family) suggested I have third pregnancy just to try for a girl. This sure isn’t China. Maybe it’s some sort of cosmic counterbalance for the female infanticide there?
    I love your writing and I am eager to hear your opinions about how boys are being marginalized in our well-intentioned attempt to bring women into the fold. There seems to be a boy backlash. I wonder how to prepare our boys to be sensitive in an increasingly hostile culture.

  6. Wonderful news!
    Nicely written. We have 4 sons born very close together, the oldest not 5when the youngest was born. I got the same reaction and my youngest is now 50 years old. What got me the most was people would say things in front of my sweet boys.just be prepared with an answer you are comfortable with and shoot it back at them. I loved having all boys, such fun, wildness and great joy for life.
    Enjoy them, they grow up so fast.
    Mike’s cousin,

  7. I’ve been experiencing the same thing being prego with baby #2, who is also a boy. One lady said “what are you having?” “Another boy!” I exclaimed. And she said, “oh, I’m so sorry.” Are you kidding me?! Im not sorry. Sheesh people… Not going to let anyone steal my joy!


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