Let’s start with the honest truth: parenting never gets easier. One day, you’re picking out their outfits and cutting grapes in half, and the next, they’re explaining why they definitely know more than you about life and why sleep isn’t actually that important.
This stage is weird. It’s a confusing in-between where they’re still technically children, but also newly-minted teenagers, armed with strong opinions, unexplainable mood swings, and an uncanny ability to forget every chore you’ve reminded them about at least five times.
The Illusion of Control
I will admit it: I no longer have control. Not in the way I used to. My job was once all about teaching — don’t touch the stove, say ‘thank you,’ and chew with your mouth closed. Now, it’s about hoping they actually listened. They make their own choices. I can’t force my kids to make the right decision any more than I can force them to answer a text with more than just “k.”
I know the only way they will learn is by messing up. Cue the parental panic. I want to protect them, but sometimes I need to stand back, let them fall (quite literally, in a recent e-bike accident that could be a whole different blog post), and trust the foundation I’ve built.
Trust the Work That’s Been Done
That’s the hardest part — the trust. Trusting that I did the work in the early years. I modeled kindness, taught empathy, and set boundaries (even if they rolled their eyes every time). Trusting that I helped shape them into responsible, respectful young people.
Even though it feels like they’ve turned into hormone-fueled monsters who communicate only through grunts and sarcasm, deep down, the lessons are there. And they do come out — sometimes in quiet moments and sometimes when I’m not looking.
Why It Feels So Lonely
Mothering teens can feel isolating. I don’t share the struggles as openly as I once did because I’m afraid it looks like failure. When my kids make a bad decision, it reflects directly on me. Meanwhile, my teens are mortified at the idea of me mentioning anything personal to other adults (or worse, on Instagram).
So I stay silent and power through. I share memes and give tight-lipped smiles and joke about how “they eat so much now,” and quietly wonder if anyone else’s kid is also turning into a mysterious, messy, monosyllabic beast.
Normalize the Chaos
Parenting a teen is equal parts confusing, comical, and emotional. I’m figuring out how to let go just enough without totally backing off. I’m dodging eye-rolls and wondering how they can dominate on the lacrosse field but forget to brush their teeth. I’m holding my breath every time I check their phones or they leave the house to meet up with friends.
Tips That Keep Me Going
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Find the humor – I’ll go crazy if I don’t. Like when they insist they’re independent, but still ask me to bring them a towel after they’ve already gotten in the shower.
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Make the car your safe zone – There’s something about being side by side (not face-to-face) that makes them more likely to open up.
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Vent to other moms you trust – Find other moms with kids the same age. The ones who won’t blink when you share the latest teen drama.
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Give them space, but set the rules – They need independence, but they still need boundaries, even if they argue with every single one.
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Repeat this daily – I’ve done the work. I’ve taught the lessons. They’re learning, even if they act like they aren’t.
Being a parent of teens means navigating the gray zone between childhood and adulthood, with hugs and huffs, “I love you” and “ugh, Mom.”
But you’re not alone. And you’re not failing. This is just what growth looks like for them and for you. And if nothing else, someday they’ll have teens too. That’s when I get to smile and say, “Hang in there.”
