Looking back at my first year after my divorce, I was a shell of the person I once was. I felt lost, confused, scared of the future, terrified of being alone, and heartbroken over losing the life I had envisioned when I signed my marriage license. Some mornings I was trying to survive until bedtime, wondering if life would ever feel normal again.
Like many people, I tried dating. But I quickly realized that, in my specific situation, another relationship wasn’t what I needed. What I truly needed was to focus on my children—and on myself.
One day I looked in the mirror and barely recognized the woman staring back at me. The bubbly, outgoing person who was always laughing had disappeared.
That’s when I realized I needed help.
I found an incredible therapist, an amazing group of women who became my support system, a local divorce support group, podcasts that reminded me I wasn’t alone, and books that helped me process everything I was feeling.
I recently celebrated my second anniversary of officially being divorced, and I can honestly say—I am thriving. Thriving doesn’t mean life is perfect. It means I’ve found peace, confidence, joy, and a version of myself I wasn’t sure I’d ever meet again.
I am single, and I’m genuinely happy. I love my freedom (as much as you can with children!), and honestly, my life is so full that I don’t have much room for anyone else right now.
More importantly, I’ve realized just how much I treasure my time with my children. Because I no longer have them every single day, the days I do have them are sacred. They get my full attention. And when they’re with their dad, I focus on work, catching up with friends, volunteering, writing, and something many single parents forget they deserve—time for myself.
Every divorce has its own story, and every healing journey looks different. There isn’t one “right” way to feel, so I’ll keep my advice as universal as possible because no two divorces are ever the same. These aren’t rules, and they certainly aren’t the only path through divorce. They’re simply the lessons that helped me find my way.
1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
Even if the divorce was your decision, you’re still grieving the future you imagined. Some days will feel incredibly heavy. Let yourself feel those emotions, but remember that tomorrow is a new sunrise and another opportunity to heal.
Time truly does heal. Healing isn’t quick, and it certainly isn’t linear. There will be setbacks, tears, frustration, and moments when you wonder if you’ll ever feel like yourself again.
You will. Don’t rush into finding another relationship simply because you’re lonely. Spend this time rediscovering your hobbies, passions, laughter, and confidence that exist outside of being someone’s spouse—or even someone’s mom.
You might just fall in love with yourself again. You are stronger than you realize.
2. Your Children Don’t Need a Perfect Mom—They Need a Present One
Some days you’ll feel like you’re crushing it. On other days, dinner will come from a drive-thru because you’re emotionally exhausted. Both days count.
Your children won’t remember whether dinner was homemade. They’ll remember that you showed up.
3. Don’t Make Major Decisions Out of Fear
When your world feels like it’s falling apart, every decision feels urgent. Most of them aren’t. Take one day at a time. You don’t need to solve the next ten years today.
4. Build Your Village
Accept help. Join a support group. Introduce yourself to another mom at school pickup. Volunteer. Say yes to coffee.
As someone who moved to a new town during my divorce, I threw myself into volunteering, PTA, youth sports, Girl Scouts, and community activities simply because I needed connection.
Those people became my village. Since my family doesn’t live nearby, I honestly don’t know what I would do without them.
5. Don’t Compare Your Healing to Someone Else’s
Every divorce is different. I’ve met countless divorced women, and not one story has looked the same.
Social media only shows the highlight reel. Only the people living the story know the full truth. Run your own race.
6. Be Respectful
If children are involved, your ex will likely be part of your life forever. Believe me, I spent plenty of time venting to my girlfriends. But eventually, I realized that holding onto anger only hurt me.
Today, I no longer play games or worry about what my ex thinks. My focus is my children.
I also choose never to speak negatively about their father in front of them. He will always be the reason I have my beautiful twins, and he will always be their father. As children grow older, they form their own opinions. They don’t need us helping them get there.
7. Co-Parenting Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect
This one took me time. At first, I couldn’t understand why we couldn’t still attend everything together or celebrate as one family. Eventually, I accepted that co-parenting looks different for everyone.
Focus on what you can control. Protecting your peace is far more valuable than winning every disagreement.
8. Celebrate the Small Victories
The first time I completed a house project by myself…
The first holiday decorations I put up alone…
The first time something broke and I figured it out…
Those moments reminded me that I was going to be okay. Healing often happens quietly, in the smallest victories. Celebrate every one of them.
9. Ask for Help
This one is still hard for me. Recently I had minor surgery, and I was convinced I could simply take an Uber there and back. A dear friend refused to let that happen and insisted on driving me. Looking back, both my doctor and I were grateful she did.
I’ve learned that asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
Whether it’s a therapist, a trusted friend, a divorce coach, a family member, or a support group, don’t be afraid to lean on the people who lift you up, remind you of your worth, and love you through the hard days. We were never meant to do life alone.
10. Believe That Happiness Is Possible Again
One day you’ll notice you’re laughing more than crying. You’ll make plans for the future. You’ll discover parts of yourself you thought were gone forever.
Life won’t go back to what it was—but that doesn’t mean it can’t become something wonderful. Sometimes our greatest growth begins after our greatest heartbreak.
If you’re reading this in the middle of your divorce—or you’ve just started a chapter you never wanted to write—please know this: You don’t have to have all the answers today. Take one day at a time. Give yourself grace. Trust that healing will come.
One day you’ll look back and realize you didn’t just survive your divorce—you grew through it. This chapter may not be the one you planned, but it may become one of the most meaningful chapters of your life.
Your next chapter is waiting. It won’t be perfect. But it can be beautiful. And if no one has told you lately, let me be the one to say it: you’re stronger than you know, and you’re going to be okay.
Whether you’re sitting in your car after school drop-off fighting back tears, spending your first holiday alone, or wondering if you’ll ever laugh again, please know this: there are other moms right here in our community who have walked this road before you. You don’t have to do it alone. One day, you’ll realize you weren’t just rebuilding your life—you were becoming the strongest version of yourself all along.
