I don’t know about you, but I often feel like my husband and I are operating on our own private islands, just waving across the ocean, hoping we can get close enough to have a conversation. My husband travels to NYC for work, and 3-4 days per week, he works overtime and doesn’t come home. I am a stay-at-home mom and work-from-home. My kids are in preschool three days a week and home with me the other two days.
We make a point to connect around 10 p.m. if he isn’t coming home, but after being up at 5 a.m., I am not in the mood for much chit-chat or long deep, meaningful conversations. “Kids are good? Yup! Ok. Goodnight”.
If he does come home, it’s the same old circus! Prep-dinner, spend time with the kids, run kid-less errands, dinner, bath, bedtime, and then we plop down on the couch or go our separate ways (me to the office, him to our home gym). Please tell me I am not alone! Is this your life?
So much is happening in the in-between that it gets lost in communication. Planning dinner, kid’s appointments, personal appointments, plans for the weekend, work functions, making phone calls for house projects, cleaning, etc., and the list goes on and on. What happens when info gets lost? Miscommunication, resentment, anger, and the feeling of being unsupported. Do you feel me?
This is not something I strive for in my relationship, so my husband and I started a weekly spousal meeting. We have it on Thursday nights, either in person after the kids go to bed over dinner or if he is working. We make the time at night or sometimes do it over email/text. (This is only because we’ve gotten good at it. I recommend sticking with in-person or over the phone if you want to try it!)
We discuss any upcoming appointments or plans for the weekend and the following week for ourselves and the kids. We talk about finances and what bills are/need to be paid. We discuss household duties and who will be responsible for what this week. We check in on short and long-term goals for ourselves and our family. We voice any concerns or ask questions that might have gone unmentioned the previous week. And we always end with gratitude.