Peace has been something that has been missing from my life for years.
At first, I thought it was just a result of all the unhappiness and drama in my life over the past two years. I ultimately concluded that peace is something that one creates from within. But how do I make peace in my life? Finding my peace has everything to do with figuring out who I am.
I very clearly know what did NOT create peace in my life.
It was all of the people, places, and emotions that I knew I could no longer cling to. But did I know what peace was? Had I ever really had it to begin with? I wasn’t sure.
I made many decisions in my life, especially in the last few years, because I was afraid of being alone. Being alone was my biggest fear because I had always thought that as I got older, I would have a partner to live through life with. I feared what I would discover about myself if I was alone.
Truthfully, I realized I never really knew myself at all. Now, at age 40, I have to find out who that woman, mother, friend, and daughter is. That identity has been solely a wife and mother for the past ten years.
In 2024, while I am still very much a mother (although I am still exploring that identity), I am no longer a wife. A little over a year ago, I would not have been content with losing that identity. Being alone, while incredibly frightening and emotional at first, has been nothing but freeing and a second chance at recreating my identity in life.
So, who am I? I am whoever I want to be at this point. I want to think that at this time, I am a good mother, friend, and daughter, and in the next year, I hope to add more to this list. The truth is that finding peace in who I am is ever-evolving.
