The First of the Lasts


A toddler boy sitting on a bridge on a trail.My youngest child is about to turn four. The first last toddler year. This is the first of the lasts for the babies in my family, and each milestone is bittersweet.

While I love the idea of a third child, this is not in the cards for us. The mental and physical hardship of pregnancy and childbirth, especially for someone who struggles with postpartum anxiety and OCD, is enough to say no. Not to mention the financial stress and difficulty of two full-time working parents trying to enjoy the quality because we can’t always get the quantity of time with the kids.

That all being said, my youngest turning four, has brought to the forefront the things I took for granted with my first. The baby and toddler activities, clothes, and little moments are truly fleeting.

He wants to go to Sesame Place for his birthday. I am extremely for this because it may be the last time either of my kids wants to go to Sesame Place before it’s a “baby” activity, and they’re too big and too cool for it.

He’s also getting a “big boy bed” for his birthday, another first and last. The crib went to a buy-nothing Facebook group long ago, but the Paw Patrol toddler bed has been a staple. Even though it’s a nice cozy toddler bed, he ends up in my bed in the middle of the night somehow, and I usually wake up with two little feet in my back. I wonder if the “big boy bed” will prove more comfortable, and I won’t wake up to those little feet.

There are other things too. He’s much bigger than my first, so we’ll be growing out of toddler clothes and crossing the aisle soon. He wants to be like his sister, so the little kids’ shows aren’t blaring on my TV.

At almost 45 pounds, he’s getting too big to carry. Most of the time, he wants to pick out his own clothes. The little toddler is growing up. I am thankful for this, but it is breaking my heart at the same time.

With both of my kids, I noticed the firsts of each experience. I love and appreciate the firsts, but with my oldest, I did not appreciate the lasts. This time around, the last time, I relish each last experience of toddler-dom as I move into the school-age stage.

I hope with his last year of being a toddler, I can hold onto some of these lasts a little longer.


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