The courting stage of any relationship is always very exciting. The hours-long conversations on the phone, the first time you hold hands, finding out that you have so many things in common…the list goes on and on.
When I first met my husband in college, I could feel that things were different and that he was “the one” for me. Fast forward ten years, and we are married with two baby boys. Our days are no longer filled with lounging around the house, cooking nice meals together, and going out whenever we want to.
Instead, we are in the nonstop, chaotic cycle of daycare drop-off, full-time work, daycare pick-up, and parenting all night long. Very little rest, repeat. It seemed like it would never end, and somewhere in that circus, we lost our identity as a couple.
Instead of being ourselves, we were always just mom and dad, worn out from the crazy lifestyle of parenting small children. Something had to be done. Enter date night.
A very good friend of mine told me at my baby shower that the best piece of advice she ever received and wanted to pass on to me was that your spouse should come first. “Don’t forget about your husband,” she said. “Your love for one another is the reason that this baby is here. It’s easy for that to get lost, so you really need to work on loving each other to make your family thrive.”
The memory of this advice came back to me so clearly one day, when I realized I hadn’t been on a proper date with my husband in months. When was the last time we had a nice dinner and some drinks? A night at the movies or even just an afternoon walk that didn’t involve a stroller? Something had to be done.
After a long conversation, we decided that a scheduled date night might help. It would be once a month, and we would take turns booking the reservation and the babysitter. We actually put it on our shared calendar so neither of us would schedule anything else over it.
This turned out to be just what we needed. At first, it felt strange to be away from the kids. I think our first outing was only an hour before we decided to head home! After a few dates, we decided to step it up and give each other a little gift. Nothing pricey, but a little something to show that we are thinking of one another; that we are listening when the other one is talking about their hopes and dreams.
Five years later, we still do a date night most months. Sometimes with a small gift and sometimes without. Last weekend, we were able to get away to Vermont for a lovely fall weekend. The effort to get up to Vermont on a rainy Friday night in Fairfield County traffic was well worth it.
