I distinctly remember the first time I got my hair done after my son’s birth. It was about a month after I gave birth, and my mom said to me, “I’ll come watch the baby. Why don’t you go out and do something for yourself?”Naturally, I wanted to get my roots highlighted since they fell by the wayside for most of my pregnancy. I was still in a fog at that point in my life, completely sleep-deprived, still sore, and I was fighting some post-partum blues.
My hair colorist, who has three children of her own, knew I was not myself. We talked about the birth of my son, his (lack of) sleeping habits, and all the usual baby chit-chat. At one point, I looked at her, probably confused, and said, “How do you do it with THREE?!” She just smiled at me and said, “You forget.”
Forget what? The sleep deprivation?? The labor pains? The six (or more) weeks it takes for your body to recover?
Well, fast-forward 11 months, and my son turned one year old. Suddenly, my husband and I felt like we had a little man running around the house! We started discussing whether we wanted another child, and our decision was made a few weeks after that! Baby #2 is due on 7-11!
While we are over the moon excited, I am also terrified. The thing is, I haven’t “forgotten.” Now, whenever my friends have babies, a part of my heart aches thinking about what they’re going through the first few weeks. (And the other part gets jealous of the elation they’re experiencing.)
While everyone tells me I’m doing my son a huge favor by giving him a sibling who will love him, I also wonder how this is going to change “our” relationship. A few weeks after I returned from my maternity leave, I decided that I would stay home permanently (freelancing occasionally). Every day. Pretty much every waking moment.
We’ve had an amazing year, taking swim classes at Chelsea Piers, yoga classes at Family Tree Yoga Studio, Stroller Strides, Kindermusik classes, and spending any remotely warm days at the beach. How will he react to this huge shift in our schedule and the family dynamic?
Well, just like I wasn’t the first or the last woman to have a baby, I’m also not the first or last woman to have TWO kids, so I welcome any advice from parents who’ve gone from having one to having two. Is it easier the second time around, or more challenging with two? And on a fun note, how did you reveal the news?
I only have one child myself but I read on a blog from a mother in the same position as yours her thoughts: it’s true that your second child isn’t going to have the same experience as your first and neither child is going to have as much attention as you were able to give your first BUT your second will get lots of love and companionship from your first. And that is it’s own special thing.
I am 33 wks prego with #4. The biggest thing that I have learned is that you have to fight that urge to never let anyone else help out with the new baby. You have to give up the total hands-on experience that you had with the 1st baby because now you HAVE TO give uninterrupted time to the big kid(s) you already have. They are waiting for your attention. Of course, I thought. But actually handing my new baby to someone else and IGNORING her cries so that I could play cars with my big boy was really hard. I try to give “special time” to each kid EVERY DAY. It has changed the dynamic in my house in such a positive way. The kids listen better because they feel seen and heard. Good luck!