All you can dream up for your kids is a better life than you had. Everyone’s definition of what that means differs. Maybe you want your kids to do better financially, go further in education than you did, give and gift more than you did – maybe its all of the above or something totally new.
But in creating a better life for our kids, I’m worried we are diminishing their ability to problem-solve, work hard, and make decisions without a plan B or backup without Mom and Dad stepping in.
I have a six-month-old and a three-year-old, so admittedly, I’m still years away from seeing the pros and cons of my parenting style and the kids it shapes. However, recently, I’ve thought a lot about these questions as a parent responsible for raising the younger generation.
How do we raise problem-solvers?
Our problem-solving skills have played a huge part in every job and project my husband and I have been good at. It’s a transferable skill across many careers and parts of our lives in love, marriage, parenting, and mentoring others. But what happens when some of the struggles that define us aren’t there for our kids? How do we create and define new issues for that generation to identify and solve so that when the time comes, they can recognize a situation and solve something without us stepping in?
I have a love/hate relationship with the idea. Of course, I want to be there for my kids every moment, but what if I can’t be? Am I preparing them for the world and giving them the skills to be independent?
As millennial parents, we see clear differences in parenting styles between the generations above and below us. In my career, I have also seen examples of younger generations going out in the world totally unprepared. This goes for college kids, too, even though formal education costs have risen.
Of course, some of this is because life was dramatically disrupted for these generations. Living through a global pandemic disrupted their education, social skills, and critical thinking skills. But how is all this impacting my parenting style?
Problem-solving skills, integrated and second nature for them, are something that I know I’ll measure the success of my parenting on—alongside a million other factors, I’m sure. It is a huge part of being a leader and a mentor to others, and it gives them a perspective that not everyone around can see. It gives them an edge.
So here are three things I’m doing to raise problem solvers.
1. Allow them to make mistakes and use trial and error.
We’ve started this at home with independent puzzles where we haven’t been involved in solving the puzzles. Although he’s only three, my toddler is incredible at problem-solving puzzles, so I hope this transfers as life’s puzzles become more challenging! This trial-and-error approach is important early and often for kids, not just in the form of puzzles or in the classroom, but finding ways to approach this in different settings—one of our favorite settings is the kitchen!
2. Hands-on learning.
It took me YEARS, and I mean YEARS, to realize this about myself, but I learned nothing from a teacher telling me something. Once I realized the type of learner I was and the techniques that worked for me, I became so much more successful in everything I did. Traditional schooling did nothing for me, but hands-on learning made all the difference.
I hope that giving my kids a variety of learning approaches will open their minds to looking at topics in a multitude of ways with a multidisciplinary approach, and a heuristic approach will allow them to figure out that they can teach themselves anything with the right resources.
3. Give them context and applications.
I am a huge advocate for STEM in my home life and career. When I mention STEM, people often think I’m teaching my kids the subjects of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math. But I’m not sitting down with my kids and teaching them how to code, cell biology, or even operate a 3D printer. By the time all this is relevant to them, the research will have moved on, there will be jobs on the market that don’t currently exist, and my information will be outdated.
The information is a great and important tool, but it doesn’t teach them why STEM impacts their lives and the foundational skills they gain from STEM. My approach is to create a culture at home that is less about STEM as lessons and more about STEM thinking, allowing it to be a continuous environment in the home with its applications at the forefront. This context will allow them to apply what STEM teaches us – communication, collaboration, and problem-solving.
