There is a disturbing trend in Fairfield County—one that is putting families’ futures at risk.
I’m seeing more local parents who are happily and willingly hosting parties for high school students, where the parents know or should know that alcohol will be consumed in or outside their home. They’re doing this because of their teenagers’ strong pleas.
In fact, I just finished representing two fathers who were arrested—not merely warned, but taken to the police station, photographed, fingerprinted, and booked—for doing just that. Despite the embarrassment they felt from being taken away in a police car, each was relatively lucky.
Parents accept tremendous liability by acquiescing to their children’s requests. Depending on the consequences of their actions, they could face a year in jail. If someone – a partier or a third party injured by a partier – gets injured, their savings and their homes are at risk because they choose to be “closer” to their child.
Police monitor social media. Teenagers cannot help but post that there’s going to be a party, and when and where it will happen. What a teenager may intend to be a small social gathering of 20 friends will almost certainly end up as an out-of-control mob of 50 or 60 drinking out of Solo cups or beer cans and running amok in the neighborhood.
There will be many, many cars parked on the street. Neighbors will call the police. Depending on what the police see in the house or the backyard, someone is going to take a ride to the police department, and that someone is the host’s parent.
That’s the kind of scenario that both my clients faced. Because of the sheer number of cars parked outside their homes and the number of teenagers wandering the neighborhood, neighbors called the police. When the officers arrived, they found dozens of “interlopers” running around with beer cans and cups full of vodka. Those teens did not get arrested, but each father had to face a judge.
I am imploring every Fairfield County mom or dad to avoid making the mistake my clients did. Don’t be a friend to your kids; be a parent. You may think that having a few kids over for a beer or two is nothing. But it’s hard to exaggerate the repercussions of an intoxicated teen leaving your party and driving into a tree or another car, causing severe injuries or worse.
Even great parents with fantastic kids sometimes have no knowledge of the slippery slope they’re on when they allow drinking. Indeed, kids find a way to drink when parents don’t allow it. A colleague of mine ruefully realized this after her daughter, who had been very well behaved in high school, left for college. When the mother needed to open her bedroom closet, she found some bottles and cans from her high school days hidden away.
Luckily, this teen and her friends remained safe. They kept parties to themselves, and no one drove home after drinking. But that’s not always the case. Parents take a big chance when they allow teenagers to drink alcohol or, for example, buy a keg for their teenager’s party. They’re putting a weapon in the hands of their children because teens don’t know how to drink. They’re also putting a gun to their head.
Hosting parties for underage drinkers is against the law. As the parent of three, I understand the temptation to be lenient or a “cool” parent. But from my own experience and that of my clients, here’s my advice.
- Say no and stick with it. No matter how many times your teen asks if you can host a party where there will be drinking. They’ll thank you later.
- If they’re hosting a party without alcohol, limit access. Have adult chaperones at every entry point, ensuring that everyone who enters is an invited guest and turning away anyone who isn’t. Each guest should also come in empty-handed and exit empty-handed with no bottles or Gatorade jugs. As extra protection, don’t allow re-entry.
Parenting teens is often a crash course in negotiation, but this one area should be absolutely non-negotiable. Your teens, their friends, and your fellow parents will be grateful that you stood your ground.
Alex Schwartz, Esq., the proud father of three adult children, is a youth and divorce lawyer based in Southport. With more than four decades of experience, he takes a highly personalized approach to each divorce agreement, drawing on his courtroom experience to protect clients’ interests. As a youth lawyer, Alex has helped countless minors get through difficult situations with compassion, patience, and resolve. Learn more about Alex at ahschwartz.com, email [email protected], or call 203.255.9829.
