A few weeks ago, I was, shockingly, in a grocery store in the next town over with my oldest daughter. She was happily sitting at the top of the cart, and I was carefully looking at some items for her. I wasn’t in the most ideal place, stuck next to a column and a gentleman stocking drinks. There was no one behind me right away, so I glanced back so I could move if someone needed to get through. I must have been looking at the products a moment too long when I heard a shout. A middle-aged woman behind me shouted, “I NEED TO GET BY!”
I quickly moved and let her by, but was flabbergasted at what had just occurred. Had I not heard her? (A very soft spoken person myself, I often feel like people may think I’m rude because they cannot hear me. I always smile if I think they can’t hear me.) To confirm, I asked the gentleman across the aisle if she had said “Excuse me,” and he said something along the lines of, “No, I told her she should, but she didn’t. No one says excuse me anymore; people reach around me and end up touching me unnecessarily.”
This experience left me very unsettled, and I shared it with another friend. We got into a discussion about manners – how I think they are very important. I am doing my best to teach them to my oldest daughter, and I started teaching her at a young age. I believe it’s important to be polite. My friend responded by stating that she believes empathy is more important than manners and would like to focus on those skills with her children.
This conversation also got me thinking that empathy and manners are not mutually exclusive. The foundation of manners can breed empathy.
I did a little internet search and found several articles discussing the foundation of manners as the beginning of empathy. Initially, I was going to write this post because of the lack of manners I had experienced, just from a politeness standpoint, but there’s really more to it.
We cannot become lax about when and how often we enforce manners. Do you need to stand in front of someone for 20 minutes or even five minutes before your toddler says “Thank you?” Absolutely not, but do you need to say it and have your child observe the act of gratitude, yes. If we start to lose manners, we risk losing the foundation of empathy, which we need to keep passing on to keep making our homes, communities, and ultimately our world a better place.
Hooray to you for speaking up. Manners, empathy,sympathy are all intertwined. They are not just something we practice; they are a way to teach children and others to step outside of their own little bubble and to communicate basic needs in a thoughtful way. “Excuse me”, “you’re welcome”, “hello” are reaching out words. I applaud you for teaching your children.