Stop the Mom Shaming


Moms judging other moms. I’m 16 months into this mom thing, and the one thing that still really shocks me is judgments made by other moms and all the mom shaming.

Sure, I know an opinionated person when I see one (I see one in the mirror every day). However, I’m still shocked by the sheer lack of respect and uncouth behavior and language of the women who are supposed to be a support system in this wonderful thing we call motherhood.

My first experience with judgmental moms was devastating to my self-esteem. I couldn’t breastfeed for many reasons and was very sensitive about it. When my daughter was about three months old, I attended a playgroup and was practically shunned by the other women once they saw me pull out a bottle. No one asked if A was adopted or if there was a medical issue. They just stopped talking to me. Their actions affected my psyche, and I’m still trying to overcome that. I can’t understand why anyone would think themselves better because of a working bodily function.

Thankfully, my skin has toughened up since that initial shaming, but the judging I now encounter the most is the stuff that comes from, in my experience, mothers who have older children.

Instead of exuding wisdom and sound advice, new moms are a target for these ladies. Yes, I’m a first-time mom, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid and have lost all of my common sense.

I once had a woman I highly respect make jokes at my expense because I fed my daughter raspberry sorbet while wearing a light-colored onesie. Did she think I was dumb enough not to know what could happen with that combination? I don’t know, but she also didn’t ask to find out that the onesie was too small to begin with, and already had a significant stain. It was going to be thrown out anyway. It was apparently easier to be a little condescending and make everyone else in the room laugh, “Oh, she doesn’t know. It’s only her first kid.”

It’s normal to judge people; everyone does. We judge because of many reasons, but it’s how we handle giving those judgments that count. Moms need to stick together and offer support, not exert superiority over one another. Here are a few tips to consider when those judgments rear their nasty little heads, and you encounter mom shaming.

1. Consider the feelings of the person receiving the judgments.

Will their lives be improved by your comments or actions, or are you just trying to let them know you’re better, smarter, and more informed than they are?

2. Are you jumping to conclusions?

Did you get all the information needed to make those judgments, or did you make assumptions? Perhaps there is more to the story you don’t know about.

3. Is it any of your business in the first place?

It’s probably better for you and everyone around you to accept that everyone is different, and those differences, unless illegal or harmful, make us stronger, not right or wrong.

4. Learn the difference between being judgmental and giving constructive criticism.

We all want to be helpful, especially when we can offer what we’ve learned from our previous experiences. But first, we may need to reflect on our own biases. 

Have you been involved in mom shaming? What were the consequences?


  1. Mom judging is rampant, and some of the things I have been judged for are as follows:

    1) Bottle Feeding
    2) Co Sleeping Inconsistently
    3) Having given birth via C-Section
    4) Cloth diapering only part time.
    5) Allowing my daughter to still use a pacifier at 2 years old (only for bed time).
    6) NOT physically disciplining my child when she hits (2 wrongs do not make a right!)

    The list can go on and on. I don’t think it’s always the older moms that are the most judgmental. I have gotten a lot of disrespect from moms who have children who are younger than mine, but who think they know best, despite their lack of experience.

    We need to stick together, as moms, to support one another… not tear each other down. 🙂

    • Hi Barbara,
      I totally agree-we need to stick together! I’m so sorry you’ve had any experience with this at all. It’s rally crappy to be made to feel like less than a person, doesn’t it? I didn’t mean to imply that older moms are the most judgmental. In MY experience, this is where it comes from the most, but certainly everyone is different. Thank you for your comments.


  2. i love this post! It is so easy to be judgemental and I’ve definitely been guilty of it. I try to NEVER let my opinions leave my lips unless I’m asked for my opinion. Being a mom is hard enough without having to worry about what other people think!

  3. Thanks Gillian. It’s very interesting to me that so many moms find it okay to judge. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that.


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