I Thought I’d Be Better At This



I thought I’d be better at this.

One thing’s for certain. I’m not a patient person. I envy those who are. Those people who can get stopped at all the red lights day after day and not bat an eye. Those who can wait in lines at the grocery store and chat it up with the people around them. The moms who always are sweet around their kids, who never raise their voices, who you think of and say, “Wow, she was meant to be a mom.” 

I’m not one of those people. I’m stressed up to my eyeballs, and it doesn’t take much to push me right over the edge. I swear (when I’m by myself) in the car when I’ve hit the 15th red light in a row. I impatiently check my watch over and over when I’m standing in yet another line. I snap at my kids because they bicker all day, scream when they can’t complete a task on the first try, and run around like maniacs…even if they’ve been running around all day. They have endless amounts of energy. And I don’t. I don’t have the energy for any of it. Not anymore.

I thought I would be better at this. I’ve tried it all.

I used to be a stage manager. I actually got paid to tell people what to do, and for the most part, they listened to me. Now, I tell people what to do all day, don’t get paid, and it’s like I’m not saying a word. I thought stage-managing would prepare me for parenthood. Spoiler alert…it didn’t.

I’ve also tried the nonchalant, let them work out their own arguments, and skip naps type of parenting. That doesn’t work either. My kids need structure, but that doesn’t calm them down either. It’s my literal paid job to be an expert in child development. I tell parents all day long what’s “typical” and what’s not, helping them fix whatever parenting challenges they have. I hate yelling, but sometimes I try and try and try all day long with my own kids, and it doesn’t do any good. It’s my job to know how to handle this stuff, and I just can’t. I can do it all day with other people’s kids, but I’m failing with my own.

I thought I would be better at this, but maybe my expectations are too high.

I’m prepared for everything…my mom calls it my “Millennium at a Glance.” But nothing could prepare me for how hard motherhood would be. A master at multitasking, fairly creative, master’s degree holding person, I thought I’d be good at this. I thought I’d have more patience. I thought I’d be able to handle everything that was thrown at me. But the truth is, trying to be patient and handle it all really has backfired. Maybe trying to be patient with my kids is the wrong goal.

I thought I would be better at this, but maybe I need to be patient with myself.

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Charity is a newly-single mom of three with a son born in 2012 and identical twin daughters born in 2017. She lives in Monroe and has been writing for Fairfield County Mom since 2019. Charity is a full-time speech-language pathologist, working with patients all across the lifespan. She is also an intuitive medium. In her life before children, Charity was a professional stage manager, working in theatres throughout Fairfield County. Charity is passionate about her family, career, ballet (which she began at 39 years old!), musical theatre, and her amazingly-supportive friends as she begins a new chapter in her life. She firmly believes that you are never too old to stay stuck in a situation that is causing you pain. You can follow her on Instagram at @charityferris.


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