I’ve always struggled with my weight, body image, and confidence growing up. The LAST thing I want to show my son, especially my daughter, is that you have to wait until you’re a certain weight or in a certain career to feel, look, and act beautiful.
I mean, holy hypocrite, here I am saying I don’t want my kids ever to feel like I did, but I was a walking billboard for how NOT to act. So, if I wasn’t changing physically, I needed to change how I carried myself and how my kids saw me respect myself.
I grew and gave birth to an 8.5-lb and a 9.5-lb baby. Why is it so hard to accept that my body would change? After my first was born, I promised I would lose ALL the baby weight. I promised that I wouldn’t spend money on clothes in a bigger size because I wouldn’t be there long, and it would be a total waste of money.
Okay, lie, I did buy one pair of colored jeans from Gap so I could look okay when I had to go back to work. But no tops! I will wear my maternity stuff as long as I can tolerate it. And cardigans who doesn’t love a cardigan/cami combo. I think it’s super cute and hides what needs to be hidden. I will get these 15lbs off, no problem.
Fast-forward to my daughter’s first birthday; yay, I’m pregnant again! But I really thought, “Yay, I’m pregnant with 15 extra pounds on me. OMG, what will I look like in 9 months, and what will I look like nine months after that?” Since my son was born, I was feeling less than stellar. I did lose most of the baby weight since most of the weight was the baby (remember, 9.5 lbs!).
I was now adjusting to having two kids while on maternity leave in the winter, suffering from severe depression. All that, combined with the easiest, most processed, quickly put-together meals, was NOT going to get me into my bin of clothes from 2009! February 2014 came, and back to work, I went commuting two hours each way, uphill, in the snow, with no shoes on. The last three parts are a lie, but it was two hours each way: walking, train, subway, walking! Cue the pity party and more excuses.
Excuse 1: As soon as I can be a stay-at-home mom, the weight will fall off. I repeat. FALL OFF.
Excuse 2: Once I can leave my son at the gym for more than 20 minutes… and on and on with the excuses.
Do you know the book The Secret? I wanted to read it just so I could think away my awful mindset and become a leather pant, bikini-wearing hot mama! But I was too lazy and depressed even to order the book.
More recently, now that I am a stay-at-home mom with my direct sales business, I started noticing little things my daughter would say, “Mommy’s working.” I still didn’t think my makeup business was a “job,” but she considered it my job! Or when she nearly begged to put in T25 and exercise with me because it was fun! I have to remember that, yes, exercise can be fun! A job doesn’t have to be in the form of a scientist, teacher, or astronaut; an SAHM and even part-time work are jobs.
I am not where I want to be weight-wise, but it doesn’t even matter anymore! I feel like the “me” I have been waiting and desperately wanting to be. I had to change my mindset to realize it was there all along! My kids will see the powerful, self-employed, beautiful mama that I want them to see!
Do you see the pattern? None of my struggles had to do with where I was in my life at that point; it was ME! And me + excuses! It doesn’t matter how long it takes; it doesn’t matter how much you want to lose or what pant size you want to fit in, whether you commute into an office or walk dogs for a living. We are powerful creatures that hold our kids’ underdeveloped mindsets in our hands! (Whoa, that sounded so powerful and powerful, but I’m serious!) If I want my kids to view me differently, I must believe in myself.
