Our Cellphone Saga

My daughter has been asking for a cellphone since the 4th or 5th grade. Some of her friends had them, not a lot, but it was this elusive toy all the kids wanted to have. I get it. I have one. Without making myself sound too old, it’s much nicer to pull a device out of your pocket to make a call (or text; who calls people anymore?) than to try to find a payphone AND have change on you to make the call.

And a cellphone isn’t just for communication. You can play games, make notes, and scroll your social media. It’s the best and worst of the new communication age all rolled into one!

But back to my daughter and her undying requests for a phone. She would always ask, “How old do I need to be to have a phone?” My answer never wavered: “You’ll get a phone when you are responsible enough to have one and when you start to find yourself in situations when you need your own means of communication.”

At the time she asked, she was still in elementary school. She was dropped off at school, picked up from school, and always driven by either her dad or me to wherever she needed to go next.

That said, the chatter of “getting the kids phones” grew louder and louder the summer before 6th grade.

That seemed to be when almost all her friends got their phones. However, in our house, we stood by our convictions. She didn’t need it yet; it was an extra cost to our family, and I didn’t think she was responsible enough to be in charge of this relatively expensive piece of technology. And so, we waited.

Middle school began, and yes, she was pretty much the only kid without a phone, but that didn’t bother me. However, we noticed that texting was a central way for her peers to communicate, and we didn’t want her to miss out on that, so I let her give out my number (linked to our iPad). She could video call and text from there when she was home.

It was a really good way to introduce her to the world of digital communication. Also, I could read all her texts since my phone and the iPad were connected. Before everyone is up in arms, I gave her some privacy, but I also scanned the texts for anything I thought was inappropriate.

She knew I had access, so it wasn’t as intrusive as it sounds. And I’m glad I did. For the most part, these messages were pretty tame, but there were a few times when I intervened afterward to discuss how things can be misconstrued in writing.

As the school year progressed, I often thought we would need to get her a phone, but something interesting happened. She changed her mind.

She didn’t like the burden and responsibility of being tethered to a phone, and she didn’t like thinking about what she said before she said it. And now, we’re in a bit of a conundrum.

We are now a full year later, going into 7th grade, and our almost 12-year-old is starting to be in situations where having some means of communication would be helpful, but she doesn’t want a phone. How the tables have turned! Her friend has a smartwatch, and that may be where we start. I know it’s an interesting learning experience for our whole family and nothing we’ve ever been through, so I’m glad we’re taking it slow.

Readers, what are you doing for communication devices for your tweens?