Forever Struggling with Weight


A woman exercising on a treadmill.I cannot remember when I first began to struggle with being overweight. I recall being a ‘bigger-boned’ girl in late junior high and high school. I developed quicker than some of my peers, and at times, I remember being ashamed of this. I look back at high school photos, and while I definitely wasn’t the smallest one in my circle of friends, I seemed pretty average.

It wasn’t until college or sometime after that, I noticed my weight increasing. My pants started becoming too small and dresses no longer fit my hips. I was still shrugging it off as ‘the freshman 20’ long after my freshman year. Let’s be honest, long after college was over. I bought larger clothes to accommodate my growing body, thinking it was no big deal. I kept telling myself that I would lose the weight at some point.

In my mid-20s, I tried everything to commit to losing weight. I tried signing up for gyms, personal trainers, Weight Watchers, and fad diets. Nothing seemed to stick. For whatever reason, I did not have the motivation. Looking back, I think this contributed to my growing low self-esteem and self-worth. I wasn’t ready to put in the hard work, but deep inside, I was grossly ashamed of the body I had.

In 2010, I started looking into weight loss surgery. At the time, I had grown to my largest weight to date, almost 250 lbs. I couldn’t believe how much weight I had put on over the years. After visiting a weight loss center in Chicago, we finally decided that I would have the lap-band put in. I had the procedure in July 2010. I felt this was going to be a life-changing surgery for me. I would easily lose weight with the band’s assistance, and I would be able to feel good about myself again.

And for a while, I did. Weight just seemed to melt off of me initially. I was on a strict liquids diet for a few weeks and transitioned to purees, and in those first three months, I lost a whopping 50 lbs. After those first 50 lbs, it became a little more complicated.

I failed to realize that although the band was an aid in losing weight, I still needed to put in the work. I needed to work out, change my food habits, and ultimately change my perception of what being healthy meant.

That first year was tough. I came to realize that my relationship with food was so poor. I was so used to eating what I wanted, when I wanted, and changing that was the most challenging part for me. But, as we approached the summer of 2012, one-year post-op, I had dropped 115 lbs.

I had never felt so great about myself and my body in my entire life. I also decided that the surgery left me with one thing I was still uncomfortable with; my breasts. I decided to have a breast reduction and lift in July 2011. After I recovered from this surgery, I felt on top of the world. I felt like I finally felt comfortable in my own skin.

Maintaining that weight loss was difficult as well. And I also struggled with how the lap-band worked. There were times that I would go in to get the lap-band adjusted (you need to have fluid put into the band at times to constrict it to get maximum benefit), and I wouldn’t even be able to drink water. I remember being embarrassed more times than not when I would go into restaurants because I would never know what would not agree with my lap-band. If something I ate did not agree with my lap-band, I would spend the rest of my time in the restroom.

As years passed, my weight started to creep up again. I got married and became pregnant with my older daughter. I shockingly did not have an issue with weight gain with any of my pregnancies because I think I started the pregnancies overweight, to begin with. So I was grateful I did not put on immense weight with either of them. However, at the same time, I didn’t lose any weight post-pregnancy either.

When I became pregnant with twins, I knew something was off about my lap-band. It felt like it had shifted and was becoming uncomfortable. I buried this concern deep as I knew I could not have the band removed while pregnant, or if I could, I wasn’t willing to take that risk.

Once the twins were born, I decided I needed to have the band removed. It no longer served its purpose, and I knew it had to have shifted. In December 2020, I had that band removed, and I certainly didn’t look back. I honestly wish I had had it removed long ago.

It had done its job early on, but as the years passed, I realized I needed to change my habits entirely. The band just gave me the easy fix.

Once the band was out, I maintained a decent weight for a while. I was only six months postpartum with the twins and joined a moms’ fitness group. This helped me gain strength, lose weight, boost my self-confidence, and meet some moms! During 2021, I made some pretty amazing strides with my food choices and fitness, and I even ran my first 5k!

As it did when I was in college, life has unfortunately taken over, and I am no longer following the strict food regimen and exercise routine. The weight has again mounted to an uncomfortable level, and this year, I have finally realized IT’S TIME. Time to make permanent changes in my life to be healthy for myself and my family, who deserve me at my utmost best.

If you have ever struggled with your weight, which I know many do, please realize you are not alone. Change has to come from within, and there is no quick fix!

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Lindsay, a newly-single mom, lives in Trumbull with her three crazy kids (girl – 2016, and boy-girl twins – 2020) and Harley, their Shih Tzu in her twilight years. Originally from the windy city of Chicago, Lindsay came out East in 2018 and has finally accepted it as her home. With a strong background in the hospitality industry, Lindsay decided to make a career change post-pandemic and is now in sales for assisted living communities. Outside of spending time with her young children and family, Lindsay enjoys volunteering for her children’s schools, meeting new friends, and trying new restaurants.


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