The mental load. The motherload. Maybe you know it.
Oh, I forgot to do that one thing for work. Let me open my laptop. Oh, right, I needed to pay that bill while I’m here, too.
“Mom, I want a snack…” – cue forgetting I opened my laptop for that work thing.
While I’m in the pantry getting a snack, let me refill these containers.
“Do we have apple juice?” Opens the fridge. The milk has leaked. Adds paper towels to the list.
What are we doing for dinner? Add dinner to the list.
Let me put a load of laundry on too…Oh, right, that load from this morning still needs to be moved to the dryer.
“Mom, can I watch a movie?” Err, no – I cannot listen to that theme tune one more time. Let’s do something else. Sets up activity.
What was I doing again? Oh, right, that thing for work…
Every day, I’m constantly interrupted, constantly forgetting what I was doing 30 seconds ago. Over time, that kind of interruption does something to your brain – it’s almost like I can feel the grey matter disintegrating.
In January, we said we’d fix the mental load. We agreed I’d outsource more – with me being the parent at home and my husband traveling a lot, we decided to bring in more help. It sounds easy…pass it off to someone else. But it’s been one of my biggest challenges this year.
Finding reliable help that doesn’t require constant project management has become another thing to manage. I keep thinking: It’s easier to do it myself. And there I am, back in the cycle of doing it all. Eldest child syndrome. Guilty.
I have made a start, but it’s August already. Eight months into the year, and I still haven’t reached the goal, despite saying I’d take this seriously as a goal-oriented person, which feels like a failure.
“Why don’t you get a nanny?” But I don’t necessarily want to outsource the kids (although I’ll feel differently if you ask my thoughts on the topic after cleaning up the milk that just got thrown across the room by my toddler).
I want to be there full-time while they are little, which is why I’m not working full-time. However, without a village around us or a strong support network, and with house projects constantly in the works, I need help most with running the home. I’m happy to be CEO of the house, but I need a stronger support team.
So, no nanny. But I do need some childcare occasionally and consistently – so both kids are now in part-time daycare. They love it, and I get 12 hours a week of freedom when they are not in the house, so I can get things done. Plus, the social aspect was important to me, so that was the first thing I organized.
With the house, we started small: a landscaper. It took a few tries to find someone reliable who’d take the initiative instead of me needing to manage everything.
“Grass is looking a little long – heading out tomorrow to mow and clean up. I had this idea… let me know what you think”.
Perfect. You’re on top of it, and I don’t have to think about it. Great, what’s next?
Laundry. Piles and piles of it. Always and forever.
Okay – anything work-related, take it to the dry cleaner. Let’s go one better: they pick up and drop off. Love it.
But what about the rest of the laundry? We haven’t nailed that. We have two ladies who clean the house bi-weekly (don’t get me started on how much I tidy before they arrive), but the laundry takes too long with our current set-up (one washer and one dryer).
“Let’s get another washer/dryer so they can get it done faster?” my husband suggests. Feels unnecessary to me as a family of four. Cue the “I’ll just do it” mentality. Again.
So now I’m doing the laundry but failing at folding and putting it away. What if they folded and put it away? Great idea – except now my husband has my sweatpants and the toddler’s socks are in my drawer. So, I’m back to doing the putting away myself. We’ve transitioned from a laundry service to folding assistance, with me handling most of it, which isn’t ideal. Needs improvement, I know.
Outsourcing more has become its own job, a whole new project manager role, and has been added to the job description. Before you say “get a house manager…” I looked into it. Sounded great, until I saw the $5500 price tag to match with someone and all the paperwork.”
I’ll do it myself and hire someone myself. Oops, there it is again.
So, this is where I’m at.
This isn’t the end of the story.
If anything, I’m writing this to keep myself accountable.
I will learn to outsource more.
I’m changing the narrative.
