I’ve always felt that one of my duties as a parent is to raise responsible, independent children. Children who can think for themselves, help those in need, and take responsibility for their own things, their own feelings, and their own actions.
The first way I can help them be contributing members of society is to start in the home environment. I know it’s important to allow my children to help around the house, even when they don’t particularly want to, and even if I’m a recovering perfectionist who still sometimes likes things “just so.”
When my children were little (maybe three and seven years old), we started “The 5-minute clean-up.” A couple of years later, we extended it to “The 10-minute clean-up,” since the kids could handle a little more responsibility.
I used to set the microwave timer for ten minutes, and we would all run around picking up as many things as possible. Tantrums and sudden complaints of “I’m tired” were common. But as we stayed consistent with this, they finally bought into the “game” and loved waking up to their clean house every morning.
Fast forward three more years (thirteen and eight), and my children now live in two different homes: With their dad in the home they grew up in, and with me, my boyfriend, and his two children (ten and eight) in a different home in a different town.
They have had to navigate different rules, routines, and ways of parenting over the last few years, but one thing has remained consistent across the board: We take responsibility for our things and the home we live in, wherever that home is.
Responsibility, independence, teamwork, and appreciation for others are all skills that begin in the home. The 10-minute clean-up not only taught and reinforced those skills, but was quite fun as well. Now with seven people in the home, we really get to personify the old adage: “Many hands make light work.”
We don’t call it the 10-minute clean-up anymore. It’s more like: “I still see crafts out on the table…” But I see a point in the future when we won’t really have to prompt the kids at all to help out around the house. Sometimes, when I’m cleaning the girls’ bathroom, they will just ask to help. We are now working on: “See what needs to be done and just pitch in.” My 13-year-old rarely has to be asked. The other four children are still learning, but that’s to be expected.
I think there needs to be a balance now, too. The house is generally picked up at the end of the day, but there are things that we just aren’t as concerned with as the kids have gotten older. If they want to leave out a craft, they are going to continue working on it the next day, that’s ok. I also feel that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become less strict about making sure things are just-so. I realize that there has to be a marriage of control and chaos, which really does make for a happier home.
