If your algorithm is anything like mine, you’re constantly seeing “types of moms” on Instagram. “My Saturday morning routine as a stay-at-home mom.” “How I juggle my 9–5 and my 5–9 mom shift.”
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past five years of motherhood, it’s that our generation was taught we could have it all: the career, the kids, the gym, the perfect body…all of it. And most of us discovered the truth: we can’t.
Let me rephrase that, and try to sound a little more optimistic. Maybe we do have it all, but not all at once. If you had a great workday, you probably missed a kid’s gymnastics class. If you had a great parenting day, you might have had to leave work early. Life comes in chapters. Nothing is forever (a lesson I need to remind myself of when I’m home all day with the kids on a snow day). Kids aren’t young forever, and the phases of motherhood change continuously.
How we work has changed, too. For so many now, it’s no longer as simple as being a stay-at-home mom or a working mom. A construction worker came to my house a few weeks ago, and I’ve thought about that interaction so many times since. He assumed I was constantly available all day because of my young kids. When I corrected him, he apologized, “Oh, my wife stayed home with the little ones years ago. My kids are grown and out of the house now, so I forget what it’s like.”
I wasn’t sure how to explain myself in a few sentences. I felt like I needed to educate him, but I also didn’t know him, and he probably wasn’t looking for a lecture. What I really wanted to say was, “I don’t work full-time, don’t have a corporate job, and don’t travel for work. But I’m also not a stay-at-home parent like you might expect, and I’m not available all day without notice.”
The labels feel outdated.
My personal reality is that I work part-time, attend team meetings, sometimes go into the office, have full-time childcare for both my kids two days a week, and I’m studying. It’s no longer black and white. Yes, this setup gives me flexibility to stay home if a child is sick or if there’s a snow day, but it also requires juggling, planning, and trade-offs every single day. I don’t have the luxury of parents nearby to pick up the kids for me if they are sick and I’m in a meeting, so I needed to have that flexibility.
Many of us are constantly evolving, shifting priorities, and weighing options more than ever. With rising costs of kids, childcare, and living expenses, it isn’t always financially feasible for families to fit neatly into one category.
Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t a luxury. Working full-time isn’t a luxury. Being somewhere in between isn’t a luxury. The real luxury is having the choice. If one-third of women feel forced to leave their jobs because of childcare, and 60% cite financial reasons, these labels aren’t about choice; they’re about circumstance.
Fewer and fewer moms I know would refer to themselves as stay-at-home moms, even if they’re in that phase of life. Most have side hustles, educational goals, or remote jobs. Some work full-time from home but feel guilty calling themselves “working moms” because they’re not in an office. So why are we using these labels at all? Who does it help?
Let’s stop worrying about labels. Instead, let’s embrace the opportunity to show the next generation that they don’t need to have it all at once, and that motherhood, in all its messy, evolving forms, and however you decide to do it, is enough.
