I want to start this off with a disclaimer: I am in no way, shape, or form a medical professional. In fact, I’m one of those people who goes down an internet black hole and decides she’s dying based on strangers’ opinions on Reddit. That being said, I have diagnosed myself with a new ailment that I think many of you can relate to.
With my 40th trip around the soon rapidly approaching, I have reached a new level of “over everyone’s sh*t” more than I’ve ever experienced. Now I know that at my age, perimenopause is near, but I’ve had my hormone levels checked a few times now, and despite telling my gyno that something has to be off, everything is in normal range.
That’s why I decided to take it into my own hands and diagnose myself. I am suffering from peri-perimenopause: also known as “hormonal rage before actual perimenopause.” If you experience any of the following symptoms, you may also be suffering from the same.
- Unable to tolerate a lack of common sense and wanting to possibly punch someone in the face for it.
- The sudden urge to burn your entire house down because there is sh*t everywhere, and that would just be much easier.
- Telling your children ridiculous things, such as, “I will pull this car over and let you out on the side of the highway and drive away if you don’t stop fighting right now,” and kind of meaning it. (Kidding, maybe.)
- The inability to remember anything, and not being able to function without a calendar with intricate details.
- The urge to donate or toss every item in your closet because everything is frumpy and weird.
- The inability to donate or toss every item in your closet in the hopes that the frumpy and weirdness will somehow go away. (But probably not.)
- Blackout rage over the smallest inconveniences. (Like dropping something for the fourth time and subsequently launching it across the room because that is obviously the only way you’d feel better.)
- Creating completely made-up ailments to mask the fact that you’re just getting older, and this is what happens.
Maybe I am just making excuses, but I feel as if a lot of us, either approaching 40 or newly 40(ish), are in the same boat and need to hear that it’s normal. We are 40. We are over it. We are over you. Stay out of our way and let us navigate this new normal, if you don’t want to get punched in the face for no apparent reason.
PS: No surrounding humans were harmed in the writing of this article.
