I’ve been a mom for thirteen years. It feels really weird to say that. There are times when it all comes so naturally, and other times I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. I guess that’s true for life also.
But back when I had two little babies, I couldn’t imagine what this present-day calm would feel like. I was always scrambling; I never had what I needed. I envied the moms who would open their diaper bags and actually have useful things, like Band-Aids, extra snacks, and plastic baggies. Forget about it. If I opened my bag and remembered diapers and wipes, I felt like the most productive person on the planet.
Cut to the present day, with a nine-year-old and a 13-year-old. I am prepared! Maybe not with everything, maybe not always, but when you aren’t stressing out about two little ones who never sleep and are always running, you tend to have a moment to think about what you need for the day, and actually have it.
I remember being so thankful for the moms around me; always ready to offer what they had. An extra snack, wipes for my child’s dirty face, and even their time, so I could run to the bathroom (or just run after the other kid!).
This morning at drop off, I saw a mom I see a lot. Our arrival times seem to align, but we don’t know each other. Her child is a runner. I see the stress on her face every time they get out of the car, and I know what she’s thinking: “Will I be able to grab him, and the backpack, and close the door before he makes a run for it?” And I know that face, because I used to have it. And so, I’ve been finding myself walking a little slower back to my car when I see her. Just keeping an eye out, making sure she’s got him and no cars are coming.
She’s not looking for help, any more than I was so many years ago. But it’s the silent, understood agreement for all moms. We’re watching, we’ll direct traffic if we need to, and grab your kid if he’s too far from your grasp.
I realized it’s official, I’m on the other side of it. Not of parenting, I have a lot more hills to climb with a newly minted teenager, and a nine-year-old still finding her way. But I feel like I’m on the other side of the unpredictable chaos that comes with little ones.
I’m the experienced mom.
The mom who has the extra few minutes in the morning to make sure the bags are packed with useful items and extras to share. I’m the mom who knows what the school events will be like, because I’ve done them so many times before. And I’m the mom who can pay it forward now, because when you’re out of the little-kid trenches, you can see things clearly and pass along your help, wisdom, and expertise on the mundane parts of caring for your child while trying to hold yourself together.
And this morning, seeing that mom, I’m standing guard to make sure she’s ok. I recognize that people say the “mom tribe” is gone or hard to find, but I think it’s just that it doesn’t always look like a recognized “tribe.” We are the silent observers; we’re there, keeping guard over the newer moms, ready to lend a hand but not overstep.
Giving a knowing smile or a piece of advice when warranted, without judgment or pity. We’ve been there, we’ve seen it, we’ve done it, and we hope the guidance we give you will be the same kindness you pass along when you’re out of the trenches and can see clearly again.
