Twins and Their Friends


Twins and a friend on cell phones with their feet resting against the wall. I am now in the stage of parenting a young tween and mid-elementary school girls. They are wonderful girls with great friends, and I feel very fortunate that we have not had significant drama on the social scene.

While I try to nurture my older daughters’ social life as best I can, I need to step up my game for my twins.

When you have same-sex twins, there are cliché sayings like, “Being a twin is like being born with a best friend,” by Tricia Marrapodi. I am sure it’s true in many cases, especially in the early years, but it also doesn’t mean they are their only friend.

Sharing a lot, such as clothes and toys, is common with twins, and mine also share a bedroom. I separated them in class when they were four so they could establish friendships and identity before kindergarten and didn’t have to share a teacher. They didn’t mind being apart, and they made new friends.

What I am beginning to notice is that outside of school, the families that we socialize with tend to be more of one of my girls’ friends over another. I was counting on them all being friends, and one friend didn’t necessarily belong to one twin. I was wrong!

One of my twins exclaimed that when going to a friend’s house on Halloween, it would be all of her sister’s friends, not hers. She had never expressed this before, and I was disappointed I did not realize she had felt this way earlier.

I recognize they are different and have different interests, but now I know I need to make sure their individual friendships are supported. They need to feel they have their own friends and they aren’t all shared. I guess they share enough things already!


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