I’m sure you’ve heard of the “Wait Until 8th” initiative, where parents pledge not to let their children use a cell phone until they are in at least the 8th grade. And while I do understand the basis for it, and I might even have subscribed to it several years ago (or before I was a parent myself), it’s not something we chose to do.It makes complete sense. Technology is scary. And now with the surge of AI-enhanced apps, research tools, and videos available online, it can be difficult for people to navigate that and separate truth from fiction, particularly children whose brains aren’t even close to being fully developed.
The internet can be a dangerous place; one that should be monitored closely when children are involved. I could say I’ve been some version of a helicopter parent over the years, particularly when it comes to germs or my children’s exposure to anything that isn’t age-appropriate.
I also want my kids to be kids. I want them to take risks, to make mistakes, and to begin to build a firm understanding of how to grow into a responsible adult member of society. I want to do this by explaining difficult things at a level my children can understand.
So when I hear about the “Wait Until 8th” pledge, I completely understand it. If I understand it, then why don’t we subscribe to it?
One simple reason: My children live in a family where their parents are divorced.
Children of divorce are intrinsically forced to grow up quicker than other children. As much as we try to shield them from the difficult and scary things in the world, having parents who aren’t together can be the ultimate fear growing up. And when it actually happens, so many emotions surface.
One of these fears is not having access to the parent they aren’t staying with that day. My son was ten years old when we separated. We had initially decided to let him have a phone when he was 12 (would have been 6th grade for him), but when we chose to divorce, we decided that it was ultimately more important for him to be able to text or call the other parent when he and his sisters weren’t with them.
Given his age, we were never going to give him unprecedented access, so we researched phones that offered only call and text options: no apps, no games, no internet. We even had to approve the friends on his contact list. Once we found a service we liked, we went through phone safety and what we expected from him when using his phone: Times of day he could and couldn’t use it, taking responsibility for making sure it was charged, and handing it over whenever we asked so we could check that he was being appropriate with texting. He was 11 years old at that time.
After a couple of years with this phone, he recently “graduated” to an iPhone, with all the apps, internet, and functionality that that implies. Again, there was another lesson on internet safety, apps, time to text/call/play games, and periodic checks from his dad and me.
He is now 13 years old and in the 7th grade. I realize I have a child who is exceptionally responsible for his age. Still, I also know that the open and honest conversations that his dad and I have had with him about safety around technology have been pivotal.
I know more conversations and situations will arise once we let him have access to social media, whenever that may be. He is a brand-new teenager after all, and isn’t immune to peer pressure or the perils of high school teen drama.
I would never give my child immediate full access to a fully functional computer that fits in the palm of his hand without first taking well-thought-out, concrete steps that allowed him to access a cell phone at the age of 10. We made him aware of our expectations and stressed that having a phone is a privilege we don’t have to grant him.
One important theme was always at the forefront: Children of divorce need access to their parents. And no other parents should be deciding for us when and how old a child has to be to have that access.
As with everything, it’s up to the parents to decide what is best for their children’s well-being, as long as we aren’t hurting others in the process.
I understand “Wait Until 8th,” but I also know my kid. It is important for us to raise an independent, socially responsible child who is kind, generous, and understanding of others’ perspectives. He and his younger sisters (who are NOT ready for a phone, by the way!) also need access to their parents whenever they want it. Access to us means access to a phone at a younger age than we may have initially wanted. But I think that’s ok.
, it’s not something we chose to do.){kind=link}