We know that change is hard for most of us. We are creatures of comfort, and challenges to this can be a struggle. Change doesn’t always ask for permission. It can come at you full force when you least expect it, or you can see it coming from miles away.
The question is: How do you respond? What internal mechanisms come into play? What is at your core to help you manage this novel situation? The answer is different for all people, and that’s what makes us human.
Personally, I feel like I am in the greatest state of change I have been in since being a teenager. I left my job five years ago after a couple of battles with breast cancer, and later suffered a medical emergency.
My oldest child is a sophomore in college several states away, so we support and manage him from afar. My youngest is a teenager in high school (this could have its own book, if you ask me). Recently, my husband was laid off after decades with the same company, and both my parents are showing signs of their ages in two separate states. I think the term ‘whirling dervish’ is an appropriate way to describe how I am feeling.
So what are my options? I have never been a “why me?” person, even when I received my cancer diagnosis. My immediate reaction the first time was, “I am so out of shape, I need to gain strength to prepare for treatment.” Then I felt the need to prepare for a second coming. Perhaps this was a woman’s intuition. I joined a gym, which was more of a transformational center, which was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself and has remained an ingrained habit a decade later.
With my second breast cancer diagnosis, I personally chose to go more radical in hopes of extending my time with my family. I chose a bilateral mastectomy with a DIEP reconstruction. This method uses your own body fat tissue to reconstruct your breasts.
Losing my breasts at 44 was devastating. It forced the question: Who am I? What defines me?
It comes back to my core, my foundation, and the life I created. I’m more than my former profession. I am more than boobs or the body they are attached to. So I dug deep with the support of my husband and children. I didn’t let a diagnosis define who I was or how my family functioned.
We grew stronger as a family as our perspectives were clear. We handled stress with our boxing gloves on and took the punches as they came until we were on the other side. Life post-cancer treatment is similar to raising kids, in that you keep your head down and focused until all of a sudden you are no longer in the same fight.
With my son away at college, our home is a bit quieter, and the refrigerator is not quite as stocked. The dynamics are different, and we are adjusting to the times he is not here and the times he is here! Both can be challenging as we balance letting him become more independent while still being dependent on us. Our family core is strong, and we rely on this as we navigate uncharted territory.
Most recently, my husband was let go from his job. After over 30 years with the same company, in a group of 40 people, he was told that his entire department was being phased out within 3 months. No differentiation between an employee who had worked six months or 30 years. Thank you. Please continue to work hard for us for the next three months, and then be on your way.
So now we have a kid in college, a kid in high school, and neither of us has a job. Definitely didn’t think we would be here in our 50s. Yet we keep perspective during this difficult time- we are both educated and employable. My husband was given three months’ notice before his position ended. He was offered a severance package. The discussions and turmoil have been real. He is stressed out, and I am here to help him ride the wave.
We may not have all the answers or the foresight to see how this will play out, but at our core are the integrity and strength we need to handle everything. When faced with life’s challenges, we all need to dig deep.
Know that you have everything you need inside you to handle whatever this crazy world sends your way. Life is beautiful, and you are its core. So when that crisis arrives, look for your opportunity.
