Different families have different rules. I often repeat this phrase with my kids, especially as they reach school age. It helps create boundaries without judging other families’ choices. As my kids age, my opinions on these values may evolve. I may become more or less strict. Time will tell. The following are topics where I have had to repeat that phrase often, and maybe you have, too.
No Video Games
I am not a gamer, my husband is not a gamer, and we didn’t grow up playing video games, aside from some group Mario Kart or Dance Dance Revolution in college. My opinion on this solidified long before I had my kids. During a summer babysitting gig in college, a tween boy spent all his time isolated, playing video games. When I planned a beach outing, the younger child played while the older child pouted, mad that I took him away from his console. While that may be a more extreme case, it confirmed for me that video games can be a negative time suck.
No YouTube
Except when supervised. My oldest once asked why birds didn’t get electrocuted on power lines. Great question! I pulled up a video about it and set her up while I got her brother into the bath. That video ended, and another began. The one that began was a disturbing conspiracy theory video. While not inappropriate in the most obvious ways, it gave incorrect and potentially dangerous information.
As someone who doesn’t use that platform, it opened my eyes to the fact that I didn’t just have to avoid gore or sexual content from being a next-up video. Anyone can upload a video about any topic. This can run the spectrum from helpful to irresponsible. We have started using this more, but it is heavily supervised.
No Sleepovers
This one hasn’t become relevant yet, but at least during the tween and early teen years, there are no sleepovers. My house is open, but if they’re at a friend’s house, they are picked up at bedtime.
No Bra Tops, Crop Tops, or Two Piece Suits
This one is for the girl moms and, admittedly, my toughest battle. While some outfits incorporating these pieces are very cute and age-appropriate, I feel they have the same goal: to make the wearer look older. For my elementary-aged daughter, who will be too cool for me in a few short years, keeping her little is becoming a full-time job.
There’s social drama, worrying about being cool, and thinking about hair, makeup, and clothes. This all starts so early and doesn’t get better. I attempt to enforce acting more like a kid by encouraging dressing more modestly. Again, this is a struggle, but it’s a boundary I keep for new clothes when I can.
I very well may post an update two years from now about how my “no” turned to “yes” for some or all of these topics. You may think I’m too strict or lenient or agree with me because different families have different rules.
It’s not black and white. We all learn from each other and from our kids, and there should be a spectrum of agreement and disagreement with each other’s choices. What is important is teaching your kids your family’s values without judging others.
