As a mom who struggles with anxiety, I understand how overwhelming it can be to balance your own emotions while supporting your child through their struggles. Anxiety in children is more common than we realize, and it can affect how they feel, think, and act daily. Whether it’s separation anxiety, social anxiety, or general worry about school or friendships, helping them navigate these feelings can feel challenging, especially when you’re also managing your own.
Here are five tips that have helped me support my child with anxiety, and I hope they offer some comfort and guidance for you, too.
1. Create a Safe Space for Open Communication
One of the best things you can do for your anxious child is to make sure they feel heard and safe to express their feelings. It’s easy to tell our kids, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine,” but that doesn’t always help them manage their anxiety. Instead, encourage them to talk about their worries without judgment. Use phrases like, “I hear you’re worried about __. That’s understandable. Do you want to talk about it?” Even if their concerns seem small or irrational, validating their emotions can go a long way in helping them feel understood.
As a mom with anxiety, I often need to remind myself that my child’s feelings are just as valid as mine. In these conversations, try to listen without offering immediate solutions.
Sometimes, just being a calm, empathetic presence is all they need. I ask them, “Do you want a solution or to vent?” This helps me frame my response and my approach to the conversation.
2. Establish Consistent Routines
Anxiety thrives in uncertainty, and routines can provide the structure and predictability that children need. As a parent, you know how much easier it is to get through the day when there’s a sense of order and consistency. For children with anxiety, knowing what to expect can help them feel more in control.
We’ve found that sticking to regular bedtime, meal, and school routines has helped my children feel more secure. Spring sports season has blown this out of the water in our family, so I’ve been upfront with my kids that they will not have time for TV during the week due to practices this season. We will be getting home later than usual, and they still have to get up at the same time, so we all need to adjust to this for the next few months.
I’ve also found that keeping a visual schedule, like a chart or a planner, can help alleviate the anxiety of not knowing what’s coming next.
3. Teach Coping Strategies
It’s important to teach children coping strategies to help them deal with anxiety when it arises. As a mom with anxiety, I understand how overwhelming it can feel when your emotions start to spiral, and I want to equip my child with tools to cope. Breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, deep squeezes, and grounding techniques (like naming five things they can see, hear, and touch) are all simple ways to help calm anxious thoughts.
Our family has made it a habit to practice these strategies together. This not only gives my child practical tools, but it also helps me manage my anxiety in real-time.
4. Model Healthy Self-Care and Emotional Regulation
Children learn from what they see. As a mom who struggles with anxiety, I know that one of the best ways to teach my children how to manage their emotions is by showing them how I manage mine. This doesn’t mean I have to be perfect, but it does mean demonstrating healthy coping mechanisms when I’m feeling anxious.
When I practice self-care—whether it’s crafting, cooking, or simply taking a break—I model for my child that it’s okay to take time for yourself and manage your mental health. This helps normalize the idea of emotional regulation and shows them that it’s okay to take a step back when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
5. Seek Professional Support When Needed
There’s no shame in asking for help, whether that means seeking out a therapist for your child or yourself. I’m a huge advocate for therapy—individual therapy for the children, for myself, family therapy to realign expectations, etc. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been beneficial for treating anxiety, as has Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). I use more DBT strategies in my home with all family members because it validates the individual perspective while acknowledging another perspective as well.
It’s important to remember that you’re not alone, and getting the support you need will better equip you to help your child.
As moms, we’re often our children’s biggest supporters, but it’s okay to admit that we need support, too. The journey of managing anxiety can be difficult. By creating an open environment, teaching healthy coping skills, and seeking help when needed, we can give our children the tools to thrive in the face of their anxiety. Together, we can help them navigate their fears and learn to manage their emotions in a healthy, supportive way.
