I have always believed that academics matter most. As a kid, I loved school and learning new things, which led to seventeen years as an educator. I am forty years old and going back to school again in June. My kids are really smart. They all do extremely well in school and on state testing. I know my husband and have instilled the importance of education.
Recently, though, something in me changed a bit. As I have written before, we went through some very scary times with our youngest son a year ago. From March through June in first grade, he did nothing academic in school. His reading level stayed stagnant, and he made no gains in math or writing. He did not even spend that much time in the classroom.
While I was concerned about how this may impact him as he moves forward, I was assured at every planning and placement team meeting not to worry; he is capable, and he will get back there.
We needed to take care of his mental health first. Children can’t learn if their minds do not feel safe.
I know this, of course. As an educator, I get it. But it is different when it is your own kid. And, while I could push the academic piece aside, another, more significant fear crept in. “What if no one likes him?” This is the thought that kept me up. The thought that still crosses my mind occasionally.
Will kids be afraid of him? Will he never be invited to birthday parties or playdates? Will seeing his name on the class list make other parents wince? I never thought about these things with my older kids.
We are almost at the end of the school year. Some of the problems are still there; this will be a forever thing. But he has friends—real friends who really like him. He’s thriving in extracurricular activities. The entire school cheered and clapped loudly for him when he voluntarily got a buzz cut to raise money for childhood cancer. The second-grade moms are MY friends.
Academics no longer feel like they are the most important. Building relationships, giving and receiving kindness, learning strategies for overcoming challenges, and then overcoming those challenges feel way more important. Having a happy kid who feels confident and has hobbies and interests feels way more important.
The test scores will go up again—they have already started to—but I will look to my seven-year-old and my other children, too, and I will let them lead the way in taking care of their minds and bodies first.
