One of the many pieces of advice thrown at moms or parents is “Don’t blink.” Time goes so quickly, and we only have so many years watching our kids grow, time we can never get back.
While this advice can be frustrating to hear when you feel like you’re drowning in the early years, I have always appreciated the reminder and understood it was coming from a place of nostalgia, a view from the other side of the mountain. “The days are long, but the years are short” is actually where I most resonated. This I could grab onto and have learned to be so true.
I don’t worry so much about blinking. Time passing is entirely out of my control, but I try hard not to miss the glimpses.
Just the other morning, I missed one. My two sons and I were doing the morning dance of getting out the door to catch the school bus. My older son raced out the door as I helped my youngest with a stubborn zipper. As soon as we got outside, there he was, bent down on the ground, hands on the wet pavement. My first thought popped out of my mouth, as it sometimes does in these moments, “Don’t get all dirty. The bus will be here any minute!”
Then I saw the worms in his hands.
Annoyed, I ran back into the house to grab the antibacterial wipes. This is my 8-year-old, the kid I often count on to know better. I ran back outside just in time to give his hands a quick swoop of a wipe and one more “C’mon, why are you playing with worms now? You can’t go to school with worm germs on your hands!”
As the bus pulled away, I heard his words in my head that I missed while I was frustrated and quickly wiping his hands, “But I have to save them.”
This child has been a true nature lover since he could point to the sky and smile at the birds. Animals and bugs are drawn to his gentle nature, knowing they have a safe place to land and a kind helping hand. I want to take credit for this because we don’t kill bugs in our home, and I’ve always felt connected to animals and nature. But I’ve yet to befriend any spiders. This is all him.
This is one of those amazing traits with which he arrived. This is who he is down to the core. And because I reacted so quickly as a mom, from a place of fear, I missed the glimpse of that beauty that makes up my son.
In these moments, when our kids are in their element, we get a precious glimpse of who they really are, what lights them up, and what they are drawn to do on this earth.
I try my best to honor these qualities, celebrate the sparks where they show their true colors, and look on with wonder at how they express what matters to them most.
And sometimes, instead of taking the chance to appreciate these moments, I focus too much on controlling the situation, worrying about germs, and letting my own fear take over of being judged if he shows up at school with dirty hands.
But none of those things matter more to me than what is right in front of me, his heart, his kindness, and how he looks out for all living things.
I admire his strong conviction to do the right thing, even if it means getting yelled at by his mom for getting his hands dirty.
I was so busy worrying about the worm germs that I didn’t realize why he was picking up the worms. I missed a chance to watch this nature-loving kid in all his glory saving the worms from dying a slow drowning death from the recent storm. Worse yet, I criticized him for it.
As the bus pulled away, I realized what I had done and what I had missed and beat myself up for a minute. That’s what I try to give myself now, one minute. Otherwise, the river of mom guilt can sweep me away. Then I take the lesson, vow to do better next time, and promise myself to apologize to him after school.
I like to think that I acknowledge and celebrate more glimpses than I actually miss, but it’s hard to know for sure in all the chaos of day-to-day life. What I do know is that there is plenty of time for the world to snuff out some of these glimpses.
Society, friends, media, and life, in general, all have a way of taking the little sparks that make up our kids and extinguishing them, leaving darkness where there was once light.
I want to keep these sparks alive for as long as I can, and I certainly don’t want to be the one that puts them out before they have a chance to burn.
Would I grab the antibacterial wipes again? Absolutely! Glimpse or not, it’s also my job to keep my kids clean and model proper hygiene. But first, I would take in the whole picture, salute his act of kindness and try harder not to wipe away his spark along with the worm germs.
