This past fall was a learning curve for me and my middle schooler. Building her schedule at the beginning of the year felt like an all-you-could-eat buffet. Field hockey twice a week and on weekends—let’s try it! Still want to stay on your soccer team? We can probably fit that in. Jazz Band at 7 a.m. on Thursdays? That works! How about the chamber choir on Wednesdays? Maybe a sewing club, leadership team, and a weekly drama class on Tuesday nights?
A few weeks into the year, we realized her plate was getting too full. Her eyes were bigger than her appetite, and my ability to keep up with that schedule and the schedules of my younger kids meant a crazy jigsaw puzzle every day.
Fitting in family dinner before 8 p.m. was nearly impossible. She had to miss out on downtime with friends because time wouldn’t allow. I was scrambling to organize carpools and spent every afternoon in the car.
My daughter started so excited, and I didn’t want her to miss out on anything new. But by the end of the fall, we were exhausted and looking forward to a break.
So, we switched it up for the winter and intentionally left space in the schedule. It was hard letting some things go – sometimes more for me than for her. My husband often tells me, “We can’t do it all,” Yet I always try. I’m trying to fight that urge and give my daughter space to choose what she likes the most while letting some things slide.
We live in an area where people wear business like a badge of honor. Sometimes, I wonder if we enjoy half of what we’re doing because we’re so busy planning for the next thing.
Space in our schedule this winter feels a little strange. Will my daughter regret not doing travel basketball? Will she be bored at home with nothing to do? Am I being a bad mom if I don’t push her to do it all? Will she fall behind if she changes her mind and wants to try it again later?
There are no perfect answers. The first child—for better or worse—is the guinea pig. I’m sure my daughter will find her groove. She might make mistakes, but she can always change course again.
As she ages, it’s not my responsibility to choose her schedule. However, it is my responsibility to help her set healthy boundaries with her time. Hopefully, together, we can find the right balance.
