A switch went off once I became pregnant with my first child. I suddenly had this innate animalistic instinct to do anything and everything to protect my son and, subsequently, his three siblings that followed.
Speaking to other mothers, I know this is a common thread that binds us. Still, I wonder if my need to be the “perfect mother” derives from my atypical upbringing, where I was constantly in survival mode and striving to win my mother’s love and affection.
My childhood issues have shown up in one positive way, which has been pouring myself into my children in every facet possible. But even that can be a thin line to walk. My issues also have shown up in many of the worst ways, like over-functioning, work addiction, and perfectionism.
But probably worst of all, I have allowed myself to be defined by my role as a mother rather than who I truly am. I am ultimately losing touch with myself.
Sometimes, I have canceled a girls’ night because my kids have made me feel guilty about leaving for a few hours. So, instead of connecting with friends and letting my hair down, I’ve begrudgingly sat home, rationalizing my decision with excuses about not wasting money on a night out or how the kids needed me.
I realize this is an unhealthy codependency. Needing and wanting time away from my children is normal and healthy. Wanting time away does not change how much I love them and does not make me a bad mother. I think having time away makes me a better mother because it gives me time to recharge and gives us time to miss one another, reset, and start again.
We need to change the stigma that mothers don’t need breaks. Without a proper break, it is so easy to feel emotionally, mentally, and physically overstimulated.
So, I’ve designated this year as my year. I will continue to show up for my kids at home, on the sports fields, and in every other way they need me to. But I’ve also committed to starting to show up for myself.
Rather than doom scrolling the internet, I will commit to reading more. It will be better for my brain health and a positive example for my kids.
I will finally stop thinking about writing my book and put my thoughts on paper. I’m ready to challenge myself and achieve this long-term goal.
Last but not least, I’m taking time away from the day-to-day. Whether it be a long weekend with my cousin, a trip to celebrate my friends’ getting married, or a week away with my sister, I plan to embrace time away and travel. It invigorates me and reminds me that the world is much bigger than I experience daily. It helps me to become a grounded person, friend, and mother. I’m excited to kick off my year!