By the time I send an email, it has been edited for tone, clarity, and basic social acceptability. The version I actually wrote cannot be sent.
Subject: Quick Question re: Homework
Hi,
I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to check in regarding last night’s assignment, as my daughter found parts of it challenging. We are working through it together, but I wanted to better understand the expectations so I can support her at home.
Thank you so much for everything you do.
Warmly,
Erin
What I do not send:
Hi,
I understand the math.
I regret to report that this has not improved the situation.
We spent 90 minutes on a problem I solved in less than five seconds, during which time it became clear that my role is not to teach, but to witness.
At one point, I explained it correctly. This was met with the kind of resistance typically reserved for legal advice.
We are now in a position where the answer is known, the method is sound, and no one is willing to proceed.
Please advise whether the goal is:
A. mastery
B. independence
C. a slow erosion of everyone’s will to continue
We are performing extremely well at C. We will, of course, complete the assignment.
Warmly,
Erin
Subject: Re: Re: Re: (same question)
Hi,
Just following up on this.
Thank you!
What I do not send:
Hi,
Following up again on the below.
There are now 17 emails in this thread, none of which answer the original question.
At this point, I have a working knowledge of everyone’s tone, travel schedule, and general disposition, but not the information requested.
Please confirm whether an answer exists or if we are approaching this as an ongoing discussion.
Best,
Erin
Subject: Re: (Reply All)
Hi all,
Thanks so much for the update!
Best,
Erin
What I do not send:
Hi all,
To confirm, this thread now includes:
- people who are not involved
- people who opted out
-
at least one person who continues to reply “thanks!” into the void
We are no longer communicating information. We are maintaining momentum.
I will continue to observe.
Warmly,
Erin
Subject: Re: Per My Last Email
Hi,
Just bumping this again.
Thank you!
What I do not send:
Hi,
And the one before that.
And, at this point, several others, all of which remain unanswered but, I assume, emotionally received.
I am beginning to suspect my emails are being read in the same way one acknowledges a passing thought—briefly, and without obligation.
Please advise if there is a more effective format, such as interpretive dance or carrier pigeon.
Best,
Erin
Subject: Feedback
Hi,
Thank you so much for working with my son. He really enjoys being there, and we appreciate all the time and effort you put into the team.
Best,
Erin
What I do not send:
Hi,
I appreciate everything you are doing.
I would also like to note that when you say “needs more practice,” what I hear is “resolve this entirely at home and return with a different child.”
We are practicing. We have always been practicing.
At this point, practice has become less an activity and more a lifestyle.
Please let me know if there is a ceiling to this, or if we should plan to continue indefinitely.
Warmly,
Erin
Subject: Quick Question
Hi,
Where did you put the scissors?
Thanks!
What I do not send:
Hi,
I am looking for the scissors.
I have checked:
- the drawer where scissors are kept
- the other drawer where scissors migrate
- and several locations that suggest a belief that scissors are not location-dependent
Please advise if there is a system I am not aware of, or if we are now living in a scissors-optional household.
Warmly,
Erin
Subject: None
(Draft not saved)
What I do not send:
Everything is handled.
Not completed—handled.
Tracked, anticipated, and followed up on before anyone else notices.
I am responsive. I am organized. I am, in all written communications, completely reasonable.
There is no acceptable place to say, “this is too many things,” so instead I say, “sounds good.”
Which I have come to understand is not agreement so much as a quiet decision to stop engaging further.
Warmly,
Erin
