Stress Can Be Fabulous

It’s 7:53 a.m. I have a client call via Zoom at 8 a.m. I have set up my home office perfectly for this call: Cheerios, a color-sorting hedgehog, blocks, a silicon spatula, and other random kitchen tools. You see, I have a 14-month-old with me, and today, Mommy is performing without a net! 

My husband started a new job where he commutes into the city a few days a week. This week is our first week negotiating two working parents and a toddler, without additional child care support. Can we do it? Well, let’s see.

It’s 7:56 a.m. My 14-month-old seems content and happy, snacking on his Cheerios and playing with blocks. I get settled at my desk, checking my audio and camera settings on my laptop. It’s all good!

7:58 a.m. He starts to cry, grabbing my legs and wailing with his head tossed back. He looks up at me between sobs with that is-this-all-you-got? look. My client has entered the Zoom waiting room.

I feel a physical response in my chest and stomach. I notice my ability to reason or problem-solve diminishes. I start to catastrophize, thinking that this is definitely the end of my career, not to mention what a horrible parent I am (oh, and I have gained a few pounds recently, might as well throw that into the mix). This is stress.

Here are some realities about stress.

1. Stress touches everyone. 

It is a natural human response to seemingly unsafe, fearful, and risky situations. Everyone experiences stress, whether it is caused by different triggers or experienced in varying degrees of intensity. We have all felt stressed, and I am sorry to say we will all feel it again.

2. Stress cannot be eliminated. 

The terms we use, such as “stress-free” and “eliminate stress,” are false promises because stress is a natural human response; it cannot be erased from our wiring. We can certainly work to reduce certain types of stress and manage it more effectively, but to seek a stress-free life, you will be sadly disappointed.

3. Stress comes as energy into the body. 

Stress triggers the release of hormones, enabling us to act, move, and respond. This is best expressed in the fight-flight-freeze response. Our bodies experience stress, and our instincts cause us to tackle the danger, run from it, or become unresponsive, conserving energy triggered by the perceived threat. The physical responses triggered by this increased surge of energy can include an increased heart rate, insomnia, headaches (or migraines), trouble focusing, trouble sleeping, shortness of breath, dizziness, and more.

Now, the most shocking truth is that stress can be positive. 

Let’s go back to my pre-client meeting trauma. My son starts to cry, and I have a client waiting to enter the Zoom room. I am stressed. I picked up my son in one arm, my laptop in the other, and moved to a different room of the house. 

The change of scenery helped my son calm down, find other toys, and explore assorted drawers and cabinets. I let my client into the Zoom room, and I explained that I would be off-camera for this particular call (not ideal, but occasionally necessary). The session went uninterrupted. I was able to focus because my 14-month-old was occupied and happy. My client was able to be present and felt seen, heard, and in a safe space.

Because of the stress I felt, I was moved to take action quickly. The stress triggered me, but then quickly motivated to use that energy to move. Stress comes about when things are important to us. Stress originates from our desire to survive. 

Nowadays, our stress is often triggered by non-life-or-death threats. But our bodies don’t know the difference. Our bodies react the same way when our baby is crying, when we have a client meeting starting in two minutes, and when a tiger is chasing us through the jungle. Hopefully, you can see that one is more detrimental than the other. But at that moment, we can’t.

We stress when we want a meeting to go well, when we want our kids to feel better when they are sick, or when planning a birthday party, wanting our family members to enjoy the surprise. Think about how much stress we experience around the holidays. We want Thanksgiving to be wonderful, and we want Christmas and Hanukkah to create lasting, joyful memories for our children. So, we stress.

When you experience stress again (because you will), I challenge you to use some of these affirmations and reflections to help you move through the stress more effectively.

• I am stressed because I care. I am stressed because this is important to me. I am stressed because this situation has significance in my life.
• I have the energy to take action. I have choices. I have options. I can change my current situation if I want to.
• What can I do in this moment that would make a difference in how I feel? What action could I take to de-escalate my stress from a 9 to an 8?
• What am I really concerned about in this situation? What scenario am I most fearful of? Is the catastrophic thinking I am engaging in helpful? If not, what would be more helpful to me?