The most challenging part of motherhood at this juncture is dealing with the unhappiness. Having three teenagers means no longer having the bubbly and joyful children who wake up happy to see me. When my family seems to be sick, struggling, or burnt out, the unhappiness of everyone becomes overwhelming for Mama. How can I possibly listen to it all, help while also teaching life lessons on joy, and simultaneously take care of my mental health?
Moms have to be masters of every stage of their children’s life. We have to have read the manual before they approach the next level, but, oh wait, there is no manual! I frankly feel like I’m winging it all the time. I want the kids to come to me whenever they need me and with whatever bothers them. I want my husband to be able to vent to me at the end of his long workday.
I want to be the one to make everyone feel better, with a smile on my face and a great listening ear. I might offer assistance (and know what that assistance should look like) and let my happy aura ooze into every molecule of my family. I’ve always prided myself on my Winnie the Pooh, happy-go-lucky personality.
Who do I think I am?! This upbeat mom is feeling the weight of the unhappiness. Eeyore is now my persona. My merry and joy are not rubbing off, and I’m struggling to keep up the charade. With all that is happening in the world, I don’t want to keep it up. But then what?
What happens when mom is the unhappy one? When everything is overwhelming for Mama?
I can tell you from recent experience that it’s not pretty. My car broke down, and the washing machine is close to joining it. The puppy needed to be hospitalized for a weekend. My hair is all falling out. More than one member of my family has had panic attacks. There is a large sinkhole in my front yard that I’ve done nothing about. It feels like the earth is shaking under me.
I’ve noticed my usual self is hiding somewhere in a closet that desperately needs to be cleaned out. The unhappiness is not allowed to linger and stink up the place. I’m usually good at picking myself back up, but it is considerably harder right now. I’ve gone into a self-preservation mode to protect my mental health and that of my children. I’m letting my usual self take its pretty little time returning to Winnie the Pooh status. Maybe it needs to sit in the closet and think it out. Be alone with and comfortable with the unhappiness.
