As a kid who grew up in the 90s, team sports were a seasonal thing. You played in either the fall, winter, or spring.
Sports today are a totally different ball game.
Travel sports, club sports—whatever you call it—are often a year-long commitment, which involves multiple weekly practices, traveling to different towns (sometimes states), personalized gear and uniforms, and of course, the expense that comes with it all. This seems to be the new normal—at least in Fairfield County.
And with travel sports come evaluations and tryouts.
Now, I don’t know what it’s like to try out for a travel team as a child, but I do know what it’s like to try out for a middle school and high school sports team. I know what it feels like to make the team and what it feels like not to.
And now, as a parent, I know what it’s like to have to tell your child they didn’t make the team—a team all their friends made—and then watch them break down in tears.
When your kid doesn’t make the team, there is nothing you can do or say to change the situation.
So, you hold that baby of yours in your arms and stroke their hair as tears stream down their face and into a little puddle on your shoulder sleeve.
When your kid doesn’t make the team, you see them question themselves, hear them talk negatively about themselves, and watch their confidence deflate from their body.
You feel their devastation. Because for them, in that moment, it feels very big. And little pieces of your big, mama heart break. And part of you is mad and hurt yourself. You wonder why your baby isn’t enough for others to see.
When your kid doesn’t make the team, there are feelings of being left out.
They hear about their friends bonding at practices, tournaments, and team sleepovers. They come home from school telling you their friends coordinated wearing their matching team hoodies, and they were the only ones not sporting one at the lunchroom table. They tell you how they wish they had a matching hoodie, too.
And just as it is hard for our kiddos, it can be hard for us parents too.
Particularly when you socialize with the families of the players, where the team is the common denominator, discussions often center around wins, losses, and great plays. It’s nice to see other parents proud and involved, but sometimes you need to walk away or exit a conversation. Sometimes, you find yourself avoiding social media because you just don’t want to see another team picture your child isn’t in.
And all of this reminds you how hard it can be to be a kid their age.
You are trying to fit in. You are trying to figure out who you are. You are learning to navigate social situations and make sense of this big, complicated world.
There will be times when your child falls, fails, or messes up. Life can be hard, yes. But they need to learn to get back up. They need to learn that sometimes you have to work a little harder to get where you want to be. They need to understand that sometimes things come more naturally to others. There will always be someone smarter, faster, stronger, taller, or better. They have to learn that when one door closes, another can open.
Kids need to learn to be uncomfortable. Within this messy ball of sadness, disappointment, embarrassment, and frustration are the life lessons. This is where the magic happens. It builds resilience and grit. These are the teaching moments.
To the mama, watching their kid struggle through it, I see you. I know that this is hard for both of you.
