They say when you marry someone, you marry their family, too. When I married my husband, I wasn’t just committing to a life with him but to becoming part of a larger family. We had dreams and plans of what life would look like, but navigating a relationship with my in-laws was a stress that I had fully anticipated. We were on different planets early on, and building a relationship with them would mean more than just showing up for family events.
I would have never guessed that these struggles would lead to some of my life’s deepest and most meaningful relationships.
My relationship with my in-laws initially felt distant because we were very different in culture and perspective. I wanted them to understand me, but I had no interest in trying to understand them. Our differences were able to be overcome, but they also caused an intense amount of friction. After a family vacation where tension bubbled, I realized I needed to change.
I began to look for small things we had in common. We all cared deeply for my husband and children, and we each had something special to offer them. When I began to focus on the similarities, I found I could approach conversations with more empathy, which opened more opportunities for connection.
This was definitely not an overnight process, and it was not easy. Sometimes, I felt misunderstood, and other times, I felt like it wasn’t worth the effort. More and more, however, I saw the bond of their love for my husband and the traditions they hoped to pass down. Humbling myself meant recognizing that my in-laws had wisdom and experience to learn from. (And I’m not alone; read about grandfather love here.)
It meant letting go of needing to be right.
With time, patience, and grace, we finally developed the relationship I’d dreamed of. Our differences weren’t obstacles but opportunities to grow. Now, I cherish the time we spend together. My children have deep bonds with their grandparents and witness the strength of a loving, supportive family.
This gap was forged from both sides, but it’s worth far more than gold. Love doesn’t always look like we expect it to. Finding common ground requires humility, vulnerability, and a willingness to listen and learn. I’m forever grateful for making the effort because I gained more than family; they’re true friends.