I always knew I wanted at least two children. We had our beautiful baby girl in 2012, and I was sure I wanted her to have a sibling. In 2016, that plan came to fruition. I was so excited when I learned my second child was a girl—a sister! My firstborn would have a sister—a sister to whisper with at night, to protect, and to love. And while all those things are true, it’s amazing how things change day to day and week to week.
My older daughter has always been protective of her little sister. Since she was born premature, we’ve all been looking out for my youngest. I naively thought it would always be that way. And it could be, but we’re entering a very different phase for these two.
As my firstborn daughter continues to grow, her likes and interests narrow, and she has a firm grasp of what she wants to spend her time doing: theater. At bedtime, she sings, dances, and listens to show tunes. The little one goes along with it, but I always notice the face—the face that says, “I love my sister, but what even is this?”
Then there’s the issue of independence. At 12, I’m allowing my older daughter some more leniency. I’ll let her part ways with us at the mall to walk with friends; she’s gone home with friends on the bus, and she’s having play dates without me checking in or hovering. And little sister notices, and she thinks it’s just not fair!
We’re entering this new territory where my older daughter is off without our little “core four” more and more, and her little sister feels left behind. She hasn’t found her passions; she’s only eight, and it will come! And it seems that she’s a little wistful that she doesn’t have somewhere to go, something to do, all the time.
I try to tell her it takes time. It wasn’t ballet or soccer, but it will happen. She will find something she loves as much as her sister loves performing, and she will fill her days with something she enjoys.
And her sister hasn’t disappeared from her. She’s just testing her independence, enjoying time with friends, and finding out what’s out there beyond our little family. But she still loves her little sister, and they still put together dance routines together, snuggle on the couch, and watch movies, and I still hear them giggling at night.
We’re in a new phase, but they still love each other; the little sister just needs to figure out her place in her sister’s new, more expanded life. And they can still do plenty together.
But as for walking around the mall – that’s going to take a few more years!
