When my family and I moved from the Upper West Side to Fairfield, CT, I was very nervous about leaving the city. New York wasn’t just our home; it was a part of our identity, and I still believe it is the greatest city in the world. But we had reached a point where I couldn’t get the double stroller down the apartment stairs alone, and when we had a chance to buy our dream home in Connecticut, we couldn’t pass it up.
Now, my husband and I take turns commuting into the city, and we come home to an actual house with a yard, neighbors, and an incredible community that has welcomed us with open arms. I’m surprised to say we’ve never looked back.
Our two little boys will turn four and two this spring, so we are in the trenches of toddlerhood – sleep-deprived, overstimulated, struggling to find moments to connect as a couple, and completely in love with these kids.
Our oldest was born in March 2021, as COVID-19 vaccines became available. I had my first shot at 38 weeks pregnant, and we were incredibly lucky the world was cracking open its doors as my son entered the world.
Having a baby in the middle of a global pandemic meant a lot of things. It meant we didn’t have much of a past life to mourn when we became parents because we had already spent a year canceling weddings and trips, giving up on real pants and late nights out. It meant I could work from home after maternity leave and not have to pump in a dark closet in the office most days.
It also meant I never really got to say goodbye to my past self before discovering this one.
Almost four years later, I am coming out of the baby stage and trying to calculate who I am. I have found so much purpose and joy in motherhood, but it is still a little fuzzy outside of that.
My journalism career ambitions feel different, though not gone. My social life is sometimes nonexistent, confusing, and causing unwarranted guilt. Maintaining a relationship requires a lot more work since time to connect is so rare. My pre-kid jeans are still hanging in my closet, mocking me as I pull on a new pair of yoga pants each morning.
While there is so much I am unsure about in this phase of life, the one thing I have learned most certainly from parenthood is that everything is a phase. This season of life will pass, and with it will come new adventures and missing the old ones. My most important job is to be present in this moment and appreciate all the good and all the challenges that come with it. It will be gone too soon.
So today, the good is my three-year-old wanting to show me with pride the ramp he made for his Hot Wheels cars and my one-year-old asking to sit on my lap to read a book. It is how our youngest grips our fingers to drag us into the playroom and when our oldest yells out my name and tells me, “I just want you,” when I ask what he needs.
The good is also in this new opportunity to share this journey with all of you, connecting and supporting each other as we grow alongside these kids and find new versions of ourselves. I am excited to share some glimpses into my own experience and talk about the things on our minds as moms today. Stay tuned for more!
