Don’t worry—this isn’t a post about a midlife crisis. I’m not about to show you a brand-new convertible or tell you I ran away from my family.
Midlife is about reflection, a mindset shift that I didn’t think would happen, and what motherhood looks like now.
I turned 45 a few months ago. It felt like just another number, and while I had some fun celebrations with friends and family, it wasn’t as momentous as 30 or 40. But something has happened in the last few months, something I can only describe as quiet. It is not my house with my children—that is not quiet. It is not my brain when I’m running through the millions of things I need to do in a day, but more in my reflection as a parent.
My kids are 8 and 12, so I’m certainly not out of the “mothering” stage (is a mother ever done mothering their children?). But suddenly, so many things seem clearer.
I’m coasting in motherhood.
I’m reflecting on when they were babies and when I wished the days would end and it would be bedtime so I could do it all over again.
I’m seeing things more clearly. I’ve always been a silent observer. I’m naturally an introvert, often studying people and situations from afar. Here, at 45, I realize what a valuable commodity for me that is. I feel like I see, really see, everything around me with a quiet calm I didn’t have when I was tending to two small children.
I’m also noticing I’m living vicariously through my children. Not in the sense that “I’m going to control everything they do and make them do the things I want them to do.” I’m meeting them where they’re at.
I’m delighting in their triumphs and helping them manage their disappointments. Five years ago? I could have never. I would have seen every “extra” thing they do as something put on my already overflowing plate, and I would crumble at the thought.
But now? Now, I’m leaning back in my place, watching them thrive and being their biggest cheerleader. I’m seeing from afar when things will go right and when I’m pretty sure they’ll go wrong. And while it sometimes pains me not to give them every piece of wisdom I have, I’m careful and deliberate in my advice.
I’m saving some of the big life lessons for later, when they’ll need them, only doling out what may be helpful right now. Knowing they have a whole life spanning before them, I can’t wait to watch it all unfold.
Because here, in my midlife, I’m watching the future happen just as quickly as the present, and I’m so glad I’m finally in the headspace to enjoy every minute.
