I used to be a crier. I’m generally a more sensitive person and always let the tears flow in good times and in bad. As a teen, I cried every single day after school. As a mom, I’ve cried more tears than I ever thought possible.
Crying always made me feel better. Now I’m in my late forties and in full-on perimenopause. I cannot remember the last time I had a good cry. I miss crying. Perimenopause took my tears.
I have all this built-up emotion that struggles to come out. I don’t want to lash out irrationally and seem like a crazy person. Yet here we are, all wound up, frustrated, angry, and sad, plus in times of overjoy, with nowhere for all the emotions to go. I work out regularly, jogging and lifting weights. It does seem to help, but not in the way crying did. I see a therapist, write in a journal, and have girl time with friends and family.
I’m doing everything I can to deal with my mental health and changing body during perimenopause, but not crying is ruining my life. OK, I’m being dramatic, but it’s been over a year since I last cried a good cry. Who am I now?
Crying had been a part of my identity. It had the lead role in how I managed my mental health. I’m hoping to find something, some outlet, that will move from a supporting role to the lead, taking over for crying sessions. I’m auditioning a few crying alternatives. I decided that whatever it is, it has to involve the senses, my body, and my emotions, all at the same time. Sounds impossible!
I’m trying out a few options. I’m not great at it, but I always loved singing. I’ve taken to singing my heart out as much as possible. A bonus of perimenopause, I don’t care who hears or what they think. I’m working on something here, leave me alone! Time will tell if this helps.
I’ve always done yoga, but I’m stepping it up. I’m pushing myself more. Along with no tears, perimenopause hot flashes don’t help here. I’m surprised I haven’t cried from wanting to collapse after holding a yoga pose. Again, time will tell the fate of this endeavor.
Another thing I’m trying is meditation. I started using an app during the pandemic, but now I’m mindfully practicing during the day, even when I can’t get on the app to guide me along. I am taking 5 to 10 minutes to shut off my brain, stop overthinking, and calm my body. It feels like the opposite of crying, but maybe that’s what it takes.
The option I’m most helpful for is rage yelling. I’m giving scream therapy a try. I have to look into this more, but generally it means screaming at the top of my lungs until I feel better. I think micro-dosing the rage screams is a good idea. I’ll let you all know how it goes.
